Recovering from a break-up part 2.
I recently wrote about recovering from a break up and moving on with your life. I received a lot of feedback from people who are dealing with a break up and hurting. I think the response was so great because as different as we all are, many of us know what it’s like to love and to have lost that love. In addition to loss, there is another element for people who are recovering from a break up after their partner cheated or deceived them.
If you’ve been cheated on or deceived you still need to grieve and mourn and ask for support. In addition to the grief, there may be more hurt and anger to process. You don’t want to ignore your anger. Find a healthy way to work through it. Talk about it, write about it, or find a physical way to express it, like running or playing a sport.
In addition to expressing your anger, you may need to forgive yourself. That might sound strange. Forgive myself for being deceived??? Yes! Often when someone has been lied to or cheated on, they blame themselves. “If I was a better partner he wouldn’t have left” or “if I was smarter I wouldn’t have dated him.” Let go of the “what ifs” and be gentle with yourself.
If you are feeling some anger, here is an exercise that might help. Write a letter to your ex. Say all of the things that are hurting you. Tell him how pissed you are. Get it all out there, but don’t send it. Burn it, bury it, do whatever feels meaningful to you and then let go of that anger so you can move on.