Archive: October, 2010

October 31, 2010

The Lost Art of Seduction

Loving couple having intimate moments

How do you seduce your partner?

  • Candles, music and chocolate
  • A sexy text on my way home, telling him to get ready for me
  • A sensual massage
  • I grab her from behind and kiss her neck
  • It starts with an intimate and connecting conversation
  • I leave a trail of my clothes for him to find when he comes home from work. They lead to the bedroom. When he gets to the room, he finds me naked.
  • Have a bath drawn for your partner when she gets home…add a glass of wine, a massage and spend lots of time on foreplay
  • Make a sexy dinner, full of sensual food and serve it in an apron and nothing else

If you’ve been together for a while, you might not be seducing each other at all. The lead up to your lovemaking might be habit, routine or something more like a contract rather than a seduction (if we can have sex now I will do the dishes and walk the dog later tonight).

Sometimes I talk with people who say that don’t know how to seduce their partner. They feel silly or unsure or they just blank. You can use some of the ideas listed above. Or you could go right to the source. Ask your partner how she wants to be seduced. Ask what she thinks is sexy or what she fantasizes about. And make sure you reciprocate by sharing how you would like to be seduced. Create a “seduction box” and fill it with scenarios you each find appealing. Then when you are feeling frisky, pull a seduction suggestion out of the box and use it to inspire you.

Part of what makes us feel cared for or beloved is knowing our partner is thinking about us and putting effort into the relationship. You don’t have to plan a day long seduction or be a sexual dynamo to make your partner feel loved. Put a little attention into your seduction and watch that energy come back to you.

Single? No problem! Read this post for a little help seducing yourself!

Filed under: Intimacy, Relationship, Romance, Seduction — admin @ 11:46 pm

October 25, 2010

Adding Sensuality to Your Life.

People often use the words sensuality and sexuality as if they mean the same thing.  Sensuality is related to the senses, anything that involves your senses.  I created this video to talk about sensuality and how it can enrich your life.

Filed under: Intimacy, Relationship, Romance, Sensuality, Video — admin @ 5:22 pm

October 20, 2010

Jealousy

A woman has a dream her husband slept with her best friend. She wakes up feeling angry, sad and jealous.

A man gets a flirty welcome from a waitress and his girlfriend feels a little excited that he is all hers and other people find him attractive. She is also surprised to feel a wave of jealousy.

A woman becomes jealous after hearing reports her partner was spotted with an ex-lover.

A man loses his job and worries his mate will leave him for a younger, wealthier, more successful man. He starts to feel jealous. He becomes suspicious and tracks his partner’s interactions.

There are different sources of jealousy, different levels of jealousy and different reactions to jealousy. Some people feel jealousy and simply notice it’s there and move on. Others become jealous and go into a rage. Jealousy at it’s best can remind you that you are attracted to your mate and at it’s worst it can contributed to controlling, even abusive behavior.

I talked about jealousy on KOIN Studio 6 this week. You can see the video here.

If you are feeling jealous look at what you are doing to contribute to the jealousy. Are you building up fantasies in your head? Are you snooping? Pay attention to the facts rather than what you think might be happening. Jealousy can quickly spiral out of control…it can become a monster, so do your best to keep it in check. If you are feeling insecure, talk to your partner. Also work on things that make you feel confident (your work, a creative outlet, improving your health), not for your partner, but for yourself.

What about a jealous partner? It’s hard to convince someone not to be jealous. Jealousy can be really consuming in a household. At worse, you can feel controlled or like a prisoner. The change is going to have to come from him, but you can ask for what you need. If you feel controlled, you can talk about it calmly. You can suggest counseling. You can ask if there is something that would decrease the jealousy (maybe he is missing attention from you).

Jealousy can be extra tricky because it is regarded as a negative emotion. We don’t want to feel jealous. We feel shame if we are jealous. We feel outrage if our partner is behaving in a jealous manner. Remember, you can choose how your respond to jealousy. Jealousy doesn’t have to be such a bad thing – it’s what you do with it that counts!

Filed under: Relationship — admin @ 4:24 am

October 1, 2010

Going Naked

When performers do an acoustic set it’s sometimes called “unplugged” or “stripped” or “naked.”

That’s what I’m doing here.  You may have seen videos from my segments on KOIN Studio 6.  This video is very different.  It’s just me.  I’m in my office, without makeup or lights or a camera crew.  This video is about “asking for what you want.”  The volume is pretty quiet so you might have to turn up the volume on your computer.

You have the right to ask for what you want.  You have the right to be who you are.  You have the right to speak your truth.

“At some point, I believe one has to stop holding back for fear of alienating some imaginary reader or real relative or friend, and come out with personal truth. If we are to understand the human condition, and if we are to accept ourselves in all the complexity, self-doubt, extravagance of feeling, guilt, joy, the slow freeing of the self to its full capacity for action and creation, both as human being and artist, we have to know all we can about one another, and we have to be willing to go naked.”              - May Sarton

It’s a beautiful day.  A beautiful day to ask for what you want.  A beautiful day to go naked!

Filed under: Relationship, Self-care, Video — admin @ 6:13 pm