Jealousy

October 20th, 2010 by admin in Relationship
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A woman has a dream her husband slept with her best friend. She wakes up feeling angry, sad and jealous.

A man gets a flirty welcome from a waitress and his girlfriend feels a little excited that he is all hers and other people find him attractive. She is also surprised to feel a wave of jealousy.

A woman becomes jealous after hearing reports her partner was spotted with an ex-lover.

A man loses his job and worries his mate will leave him for a younger, wealthier, more successful man. He starts to feel jealous. He becomes suspicious and tracks his partner’s interactions.

There are different sources of jealousy, different levels of jealousy and different reactions to jealousy. Some people feel jealousy and simply notice it’s there and move on. Others become jealous and go into a rage. Jealousy at it’s best can remind you that you are attracted to your mate and at it’s worst it can contributed to controlling, even abusive behavior.

I talked about jealousy on KOIN Studio 6 this week. You can see the video here.

If you are feeling jealous look at what you are doing to contribute to the jealousy. Are you building up fantasies in your head? Are you snooping? Pay attention to the facts rather than what you think might be happening. Jealousy can quickly spiral out of control…it can become a monster, so do your best to keep it in check. If you are feeling insecure, talk to your partner. Also work on things that make you feel confident (your work, a creative outlet, improving your health), not for your partner, but for yourself.

What about a jealous partner? It’s hard to convince someone not to be jealous. Jealousy can be really consuming in a household. At worse, you can feel controlled or like a prisoner. The change is going to have to come from him, but you can ask for what you need. If you feel controlled, you can talk about it calmly. You can suggest counseling. You can ask if there is something that would decrease the jealousy (maybe he is missing attention from you).

Jealousy can be extra tricky because it is regarded as a negative emotion. We don’t want to feel jealous. We feel shame if we are jealous. We feel outrage if our partner is behaving in a jealous manner. Remember, you can choose how your respond to jealousy. Jealousy doesn’t have to be such a bad thing – it’s what you do with it that counts!

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