Archive: December, 2010

December 31, 2010

What will you leave behind in 2010?

Fire image

As the new year approaches it’s easy to look forward to the changes that will be made, the new paths that will be taken and new adventures that are waiting for you.  It’s also a great time to look back at 2010 and decide what you no longer need.  What isn’t serving you?  What do you want to leave behind?  If your life is overflowing with things it might be hard to add your new resolutions into the mix.  If you want to invite happiness into your life in 2011 but you are still stuck in the sadness of 2010, it might be a tall order.  Think of it like this – if your closet is full to the brim with clothes, you can’t put any more in there…it’s the same with your intentions.  So what will you release?

  • Fear
  • Judgment
  • Anger
  • Money problems
  • Chaos
  • Self-criticism
  • An unhealthy relationship
  • Negativity
  • Clothes that make you look dumpy or unattractive
  • A disorganized desk

What no longer serves you?  Choose 1-3 things you don’t want to bring into 2011 with you.  And then create a way to release them.  You might find it powerful to just say the words, “I release ________.”  It might be helpful to think about the ways these words have impacted your life and then take some time and think about what your life will look like without them.  You can also choose a ritual to help you release the energies or behaviors.  You can write the words you want to release on paper and then take it outside and burn the paper.  Watch the smoke rise into the air and feel it leave your life.

As the clocks moves closer and closer to midnight, let yourself feel excited about the prospect of a new year, a fresh start.  As you contemplate that fresh start, let yourself also reserve a little space for what you want to leave behind.

Have a safe and happy end of 2010.  Here’s to a bright, healthy, abundant 2011!

Filed under: Change, Holidays, Self-care — admin @ 6:22 pm

How you end This year will impact Next year.

Recently someone told me “If you have money in your pocket at the end of the year, you will have money all year long in 2011.”  What do you think about that?  Does setting your intention early make it easier to commit to it?  So often people wait to start their resolutions or intentions or new behaviors until January 1st.  More than that, people may go to the extreme opposite of those behaviors right up until 11:59 on December 31st.  If your New Year’s Resolution is to eat better, do you find yourself overdoing it the week before the new year to “get it out of your system?” Or if in the New Year you want to have better financial planning, might you make some big purchases right at the end of December?  If that’s your pattern, is it that much harder to make your changes in January?

If you want to work on your health in the New Year, can you see the benefit of focusing on your health right now, too?  If you want to work on organization or getting your house clean, imagine the power of starting the New Year with a clean house rather than waiting until January 1st.  Can you picture the power of starting your intention a little early?  If you have New Year’s Resolutions or Intentions, I invite you to start them now and see if the transition is a bit easier for you.  I have a feeling that those people who are at the gym as we speak, will still be there working away come this time next year.  What about you?  Are you going to be one of the many people who give up a few months into the new year?  Or is this year going to be different?  Are you ready to create lasting habits or changes in your life?  If so, what’s stopping you from making those changes now?

Filed under: Change, Holidays, Self-care — admin @ 3:51 am

December 22, 2010

Giving without expectations

My thoughts have been consumed by holiday preparations and expectations.  I have visions of sugarplums and decorations and shopping and presents and traditions and baking.  I’ve also being thinking about Santa Claus.  I’ve been thinking about that jolly fellow who brings Christmas presents without expecting anything in return (except of course, good behavior).  I’ve also been thinking about the idea that “there is no such thing as a free lunch.”  What happened to doing something nice, just for the sake of doing something nice?

I remember having a conversation with a friend years ago where I mentioned I was frustrated that I had waved to let a driver into a lane of traffic and he had not given me a “thank you” wave in return.  I probably went so far as to call that driver, “rude!”  My friend replied saying, “I don’t let people into my lane of traffic expecting anything in return, I do it because it’s the right thing to do.”  Hmmm…what would the world be like if we stopped doing things in order to get something in return, but rather just because it’s the right thing to do?

Think about your relationship, your family, your workplace, interactions with strangers…what can you give without expecting anything in return?  So often, when working with couples, I hear that one partner is unwilling to do something until his or her partner does the same.  I see people suck in a stalemate where each person is waiting.  What if you stopped waiting?  What if you took the first move?  Perhaps it will be the only move…but it will be movement.

Here are some ways you might give without expectations –
Do the dishes without expecting a “thank you”
Shovel someone’s sidewalk
Give an anonymous gift
Say you are sorry and mean it
Please your partner sexually without expecting anything in return
Send a card to a friend telling her you appreciate her
Volunteer

This season you may be dreaming of sugarplums or consumed with an endless to do list.  You may be overworked or reveling in the magic of the season.  Wherever you are, however you feel, think about what you can give without any expectations.  If we all gave a little more, can you imagine what the world (and your relationship) would be like?!?

My December Newsletter focuses on Giving Without Expectations.  You can view it in it’s original form here.

Filed under: Holidays, Newsletter, Relationship — admin @ 6:26 pm

December 15, 2010

New Year – New You!

There is something exciting about a new year!  Out with the old and in with the new!  There is the hope of getting rid of all that didn’t work in 2010…out with the pain and heartache and sickness and stress.  There is the possibility that 2011 will bring all that you ask for.   There is often an expectation that with the new year, we can start over.  So with that thought in mind…the hope of things being different this year, the hope of this being “your year” – I bring you two new groups for the new year.

If you are interested in more information or want to sign up, please send me an email or call me.

How’s Your Sex Life?

An 8-week group for women to explore ideas and feelings about sex, sexuality and intimacy.

The group will decide the specific topics we cover.  Past topics include: Desire/Libido, Fantasy, Body Image, How to talk to your partner about sex, Sex and the single woman, Tantra, and BDSM.

The group meets Thursday evenings from 7pm-9pm in NE Portland.  The cost is $20 per session.   A pre-group interview is required to participate.

Live Your Best Life in 2011

Are you tired of making resolutions that don’t stick?  Are you exhausted from taking care of everyone but yourself?  Are you ready to focus on yourself and live your best life?  This is an 8-week group for women you are ready to put themselves first!  We will spend time exploring creativity, self-care, sensuality, health, relationships and more.

The group meets Saturday from 3pm-5pm in NE Portland.  The cost is $20 per session.

Filed under: Change, Self-care, Sexuality — admin @ 11:20 pm

December 8, 2010

Fantasy: Fact or Fiction

What does fantasy mean?  Since I posted about connecting the world through fantasies, I’ve been asked about fantasies often.  I’ve heard from people who say they don’t fantasize or they don’t think their fantasies are interesting or sexy enough.  I’ve talked with people who shared they want to focus on having intimate sex with their partner, rather than some wild fantasy.  It’s got me thinking, “What does fantasy mean?!?

Photo by Paul Copeland

Photo by Paul Copeland

In Getting the Sex You Want, Tammy Nelson writes about our “erotic imagination.”  She describes it as including curiosity (anything you are curious about, even if you don’t want to do the thing you are curious about), fantasy and action.  So then fantasies can be anything you think about.  That means thinking about having sex with your partner and looking into his eyes can be your fantasy.  Imagining being tied up and blindfolded and devoured can be your fantasy.  Wanting to have sex without feeling shame or discomfort about your body can be your fantasy.  Being sexually satisfied by multiple people can be your fantasy.  If you have an imagination, you can fantasize.  Fantasizing doesn’t mean you are dissatisfied with your sexual life.  You might fantasize about something that has already happened (playing that precious moment over in your mind).  You might fantasize about something you want to try. It’s also important to recognize, just because you fantasize about something or think about it, doesn’t mean you want to act it out.

Talking about your fantasies can be a very powerful experience.  If you would like to try something new with your partner, I highly recommend talking about it.  I also recommend reading Getting the Sex You Want.  In particular, chapter 6 goes into detail about how to talk about your fantasies in a safe and nonjudgmental space.  Tammy Nelson also talks about the possible consequences of bringing your fantasies into action (for example if you fantasize about a threesome and decide to act it out, how might that affect your relationship?)

If you are someone who doesn’t really think she fantasizes, I invite you to think again.  If you judge the idea of fantasy because you think it means someone isn’t satisfied in his own sexual experience, I invite you to think again.  I also invite you to think about how a fantasy might enrich your sexual experience.

Filed under: Fantasy, Sexuality — admin @ 5:01 pm