Archive: February, 2011

February 22, 2011

Lube Glorious Lube!

After 3 years of leading Pure Romance parties for women, I assumed everyone knew about and used lubricant.  During those parties many of the women shared they used lube and more than that, valued their favorite lubricant as part of their sexual life (alone or with a partner).  That coupled with more and more commercials for K-Y Jelly led me to believe that lube was now commonplace, a lovemaking essential.  I figured if you peaked into bedrooms across America, you would see a bottle of lube right next to the alarm clock.  I’m learning that my assumptions are incorrect.  I’m learning that for plenty of people the idea of using lube is not even close to commonplace, but actually kinky.

So why do people use lubricant?

Lubrication helps keep things nice and slippery.  It especially helps if you are feeling any pain or discomfort from friction or penetration.

Shouldn’t you produce your own lubrication?  If you have to use lube, does that mean you aren’t turned on?

Yes, vaginas produce lubricant.  But it’s not always enough to keep things moving comfortably during intercourse.  There are also plenty of things that can impact how much lubrication you produce.  Some medications can get in the way of producing lubricant (it’s possible antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, birth control and even over the counter cold medication can increase vaginal dryness). Stress, relationship conflict, hormones and menopause are other things that can decrease natural lubrication.  In addition, some people produce more than others (regardless of how turned on you are).  Just because you are wet, doesn’t mean you can’t get wetter.  Even if you are producing lubricant, you can still add a little lube.   Here’s something to keep in mind, dryness and pain with intercourse isn’t sexy…so in the long run, a little lube can also help keep sex enjoyable.

Where should I start?

I recommend starting with a water-based lubricant.  You can also start with a little lube and add more if you need it.  If you are nervous about introducing lube to your partner, try it out by yourself first.  If you live in a city where there is a female friendly or sex-positive toy store, you can even go in and test the lubes first (by “test,” I mean put some on your fingers and rub your fingers together to test the consistency – some lubricant is slicker, other feels more like a gel).  It’s important to find a lube that feels good to you.

More questions about lube? – here are a couple sites that might help.  There is no shame in using a little lubricant.  There is no shame in trying to make sure your sexual experience is as enjoyable as possible!

Filed under: Intimacy, Relationship, Sexuality — admin @ 2:20 am

February 9, 2011

It’s Not Me, It’s You!

I’m going to be on stage, for a good cause! I would love to see you at the Baghdad Tuesday the 15th!  Details are posted below.

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Stories From the Dark Side of Dating

We’ve all had them: dates that go terribly awry. An evening of personal stories told live onstage. You’ll leave either feeling grateful for your current relationship or with the realization that being single isn’t so bad after all.

Storytellers include:

Aaron Scott, radio producer
Daria Eliuk, radio personality
Courtenay Hameister, host of Live Wire and True Stories
Gabe Dinger, comic
Julie Jeske, sex and relationship counselor
Judge Kemp, community activist and dancing fool
Steve Novick, voted Willamette Week’s Best Activist
Scott Poole, poet and Wordstock director
Roey Thorpe, political activist

Hosted by Karol Collymore and Jimmy Radosta

Sponsored by Willamette Week. Tickets are $15 available through Cascade Tickets or at the Bagdad or Crystal Ballroom box offices. This is a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon, which works to keep Oregon a pro-choice state.

The evening will include fun raffle baskets with the “dating theme” and the opportunity to have your voice heard with the ‘anti-valentine’. Tell that ex what you really think.

It’s a perfect post-Valentine’s Day date, or an antidote to the holiday, since you will leave either feeling grateful for your current relationship or like it’s not so bad being single after all!

Filed under: Dating, Workshop — admin @ 7:21 pm

February 7, 2011

Finding Your Voice in the Bedroom!

Does the idea of talking dirty make you freeze or start to giggle?  Sometimes learning to talk dirty can feel like learning a foreign language (which I will be writing more about for this month’s newsletter – see that little subscribe box on my blog page?  If you use it, you can get the newsletter right in your mailbox).  That’s why I’ve broken it down into a few easy steps – I even made a short video.

A few easy steps to finding your voice in the bedroom

  1. Start making noise.  You don’t have to be creative – ooh or ahh will do.
  2. Comment on what is happening in the room.
  3. Ask for what you want or give a hint about what you are going to do to your partner next.
  4. Add racier language.

Breaking it down into smaller steps can help take the stress out of trying something new.  Start small and before you know it, you’ll go from silence to full volume!

Filed under: Intimacy, Sexuality, Video — admin @ 6:37 pm