After 3 years of leading Pure Romance parties for women, I assumed everyone knew about and used lubricant. During those parties many of the women shared they used lube and more than that, valued their favorite lubricant as part of their sexual life (alone or with a partner). That coupled with more and more commercials for K-Y Jelly led me to believe that lube was now commonplace, a lovemaking essential. I figured if you peaked into bedrooms across America, you would see a bottle of lube right next to the alarm clock. I’m learning that my assumptions are incorrect. I’m learning that for plenty of people the idea of using lube is not even close to commonplace, but actually kinky.
So why do people use lubricant?
Lubrication helps keep things nice and slippery. It especially helps if you are feeling any pain or discomfort from friction or penetration.
Shouldn’t you produce your own lubrication? If you have to use lube, does that mean you aren’t turned on?
Yes, vaginas produce lubricant. But it’s not always enough to keep things moving comfortably during intercourse. There are also plenty of things that can impact how much lubrication you produce. Some medications can get in the way of producing lubricant (it’s possible antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, birth control and even over the counter cold medication can increase vaginal dryness). Stress, relationship conflict, hormones and menopause are other things that can decrease natural lubrication. In addition, some people produce more than others (regardless of how turned on you are). Just because you are wet, doesn’t mean you can’t get wetter. Even if you are producing lubricant, you can still add a little lube. Here’s something to keep in mind, dryness and pain with intercourse isn’t sexy…so in the long run, a little lube can also help keep sex enjoyable.
Where should I start?
I recommend starting with a water-based lubricant. You can also start with a little lube and add more if you need it. If you are nervous about introducing lube to your partner, try it out by yourself first. If you live in a city where there is a female friendly or sex-positive toy store, you can even go in and test the lubes first (by “test,” I mean put some on your fingers and rub your fingers together to test the consistency – some lubricant is slicker, other feels more like a gel). It’s important to find a lube that feels good to you.
More questions about lube? – here are a couple sites that might help. There is no shame in using a little lubricant. There is no shame in trying to make sure your sexual experience is as enjoyable as possible!