Archive: March, 2011

March 28, 2011

Who are you as a sexual being?

If you connect with me on facebook or twitter you probably know that this topic has been on my mind a lot lately!  This week I did a segment on Studio 6 talking about discovering who you are a sexual being.  I’m starting to work on my book about this theme (there is still time to take my survey, be sure to get in there by April 6th).  I’m also preparing for a workshop called “Who Are You As a Sexual Being?.  I think this topic is so important because who you are as a sexual being is the basis of sexuality.  Who you are sexually is the basis of your sexual relationship.  It all starts with you.  I say that, but I think that many people deny or bury who they are sexually.  And if you deny who you are sexually, then what is your sexual relationship based on?  I’m also discovering from my survey that many people don’t know who they are sexually.  And if you don’t know who you are, then how can you live your best sexual life?

There are so many things that can get in the way of knowing who you are sexually – shame, lack of sexual education, body image, stress, embarrassment, relationship conflict and much more!  So if you don’t know who you are, it might take a little time to figure it out.  Start tuning in to what you like. What makes you feel good?  What excites you?  What do you fantasize about?  When do you feel your best, your sexiest?  Not just in the bedroom, what makes you feel sexy out in the world?  You have to tune out the outside voices and listen to yourself.   Don’t read books or magazines to tell you what sexy is, ask yourself, “How do I define myself sexually?”  You may discover that you don’t exactly love who you are sexually.  That’s OK, because once you know who you are, then you can build on that.  If you think you aren’t sexual at all, it will be really hard to try something new or kinky in the bedroom.  If you do some soul-searching and realize that who you are sexually is a little timid, and likes being submissive, well then you can find a way to honor that and try something new.  You can ask to be tied up or try a role-play where you get to be submissive.  Knowing who you are sexually is the foundation of your sexual relationship.  If you don’t know who you are or what you like, how can you enjoy your sexual experience?

Filed under: Sexual Being, Sexuality — admin @ 4:22 am

March 10, 2011

Getting Sex On Your Radar

You may have heard the myth that most men think about sex every 7 seconds and while research can’t back that number up, men typically think about sex more than women do.  And if you add kids or a career or household work into the mix, you might not think about it at all.  Here are 3 ways to move sex to the top of your priority list!

  • Do small things that make you feel sexy every day!

Let me emphasize SMALL!  Wear underwear that makes you feel sexy (don’t just save your pretty panties for special occasions, wear them for no reason at all!)

Get a bikini wax or shave your legs (do those things you might only do when you are going to have sex).

Do your Kegel exercises!  They are a great way to be connected to your sexuality.  If you don’t know how to do them, check this out. Kegels can get sex on the brain in a couple of ways.  ONE – you are increasing your PC muscles and that can impact how sex feels and the strength of your orgasm.  TWO – if you are doing an exercise that focus on your vaginal muscles, you are going to think about your vagina and that might help you think about sex!

Listen to erotica (you can even listen to it on the treadmill or on your way home from work)

Take a dance class with your partner

Take a luxurious bath or get a sensual massage

Take a shower with your partner (this isn’t about having sex in the shower…it’s just a shower…but you will be naked and in close quarters and that might put sex on your brain)

Think of small things you can do easily.

  • Make a Sex Date

I hear so often from people that scheduling sex takes the fun out of it.  But here’s the thing…if you aren’t having sex at all, that takes the fun out of it too!  The other thing I would recommend is thinking about how things were when you were dating.  When you would get ready to spend the night over or prepare for a date, there were probably times you knew you were going to have sex, right?  That’s similar to a sex date.  And instead of having it be a practical thing that takes the fun out sex, can it be something that builds up anticipation?  A few days before your sex date you can flirt and tease and build excitement.

  • Make sure you are getting the kind of sex you want

If you are just having sex to please your partner and you aren’t getting any of your needs met than of course sex won’t be on your radar!  You have to take the time to figure out what excites you, what you are yearning for, what you might like and then you need to share that with your partner.  You need to ask for it.  Your partner can’t read your mind.  If you are hoping that one day he will just figure it out, you might not ever get the kind of sex you are dreaming of.

Filed under: Desire, Intimacy, Sexuality, kegels — admin @ 6:58 am

Women’s Sexuality Survey

Ladies,

I need your help.  I’m working on a book and I would love your feedback.

I want to know who you are as a sexual being.

Please check out my video and take my survey.

Thanks for your support!

Julie

Filed under: Sexual Being, Sexuality, Sexy Tiger, Uncategorized — admin @ 1:33 am

March 7, 2011

What is sex?

couple-love-bedroom-kissing

Intercourse

Anything that leads to orgasm

Penetration, oral sex or manual stimulation

First you kiss, then have foreplay and then sex

Anything that gives one or more people pleasure

Making love

Intimacy and pleasure combined together

Sexual activity that leads to emotional connection

Ask 100 people, “What is sex?” and you might get 100 answers.  There is no “right” answer.  So why are people so concerned about doing it “right” then?  Why do so many people desire to make sure they are doing what everyone else is doing?  Why all the magazine articles about “hot sex” or “new positions.”

What if I told you that sex, the best sex, is what feels best for you and your partner?  So what if you both like oral sex more than intercourse, you both like it, right?  And it’s OK if you need to use a vibrator to have an orgasm, you are having an orgasm and that is fantastic!  Maybe you like to watch a little porn as foreplay, or your partner likes to be tied up, or maybe you just like plain ole’ missionary style sex with the lights off…that’s all just fine, in fact it’s more than fine if you feel good about it.

What would happen if you stopped trying to live up to someone else’s idea of sex and just did what feels good for you and your partner?  What if you stopped trying to fit into someone else’s model for sex and focused on what feels best for you?  So you like to have an orgasm before intercourse, great!  Maybe you prefer to have simultaneous or mutual orgasms with your partner, if you are able to do that and it feels good for you, great!  Maybe you don’t care about orgasm at all and feel most content with a lot of kissing and some eye gazing, great!

Instead of worrying about how other people have sex…focus on how you want to have sex.  What feels best, most titillating, most sacred, most satisfying, most exciting or most love-filled for you?

Filed under: Intimacy, Sexuality — admin @ 5:52 am