Archive: July, 2011

July 29, 2011

Happy? Sad? Both can be true.

This past year has been one of the most wonderful, exciting, abundant times in my life…it has also been very difficult, sad and painful.  What a trip!  Sometimes it feels like it would be easier if life could just be “good” or “bad.” It’s so complicated when multiple emotions come to the surface.  Emotions and feelings are not black and white…they can be muddy, messy and complicated.

You might find that there are things going on in your life that have different emotions attached.

  • You might get your dream job and also be struggling with a break-up.
  • You might be on vacation and get some bad news.
  • You might be planning a wedding and also processing a friend’s or family member’s divorce.

You might also have one experience in your life that has multiple emotions connected to it.

  • You might love someone in your life and be angry about their actions (these are common feelings that come up when a loved one is struggling with addiction).
  • When you move into a new home you might be excited and grateful and also overwhelmed because of unpacking.
  • Getting an advanced degree might fill you with pride and also terrify you about your future prospects.
  • Being pregnant might be something you’ve always hoped for and the thought of giving birth might be really scary.
  • You may be mourning or grieving a loved one’s death and also relieved he or she is no longer suffering.

It can be hard to feel multiple things at once.  During what others perceive as a “happy time” you might feel guilty for having other feelings. Don’t second guess your feelings.  They are there for a reason.

Remember you can be happy AND sad.  You can be filled with love AND frustrated.  You can be stressed out AND grateful.

Both can be true.

Filed under: Emotions, Self-love, Vulnerability — admin @ 9:59 am

July 26, 2011

It’s Up To You

Lily web

It’s up to you to live the life that you are wishing for.

It’s up to you to be who you want to be in your relationship.

It’s up to you to be the parent, sibling, sister, partner, lover, friend that you want to be.

It’s up to you to claim/create the job, home, relationship that you desire.

What if it wasn’t up to anyone else…but only up to you?  What would you do differently? What would you let go of?  What would you take hold of?

It’s up to you to ask for or initiate the kind of sex you are craving.

It’s up to you to lose the weight, get active, or get organized.

It’s up to you to find time for yourself do what you love, take better care of yourself, or have more fun.

Don’t wait for someone else

It’s up to you.

Filed under: Change, Self-care, Self-love — admin @ 12:40 pm

July 22, 2011

Schedule Some Time for Yourself!

Take out your calendar or planner or smart phone and pencil in some time YOU time!  Grab your To Do List.  What’s on your list?  Is it filled with tasks for work, chores, errands, things for the kids?  Is there anything for you on the list?  Take a pen and write, “ME” at the very top of your list.  It’s time you focused on yourself.

If you don’t have time, then schedule 15 minutes.  If you don’t have money then do something for free.  If you don’t have energy then take a bath or a nap.  If you don’t care about yourself enough to treat yourself to some relaxation, pampering or special time; it’s time that changed.  No one else is going to make sure that you are practicing self-care – YOU have to make time for yourself.

Young Woman with Flowers

Here are some ways you can take care of yourself

  • Get a massage
  • Take a nap
  • Play in the garden
  • Read a book or magazine
  • Go out with girlfriends
  • Do NOTHING
  • Sit outside (you can also do this and enjoy some tea, coffee, wine or lemonade)
  • Start an art project
  • Dance
  • Sing
  • Do something silly
  • Go for a walk
  • Meditate / Pray / or do something that speaks to you spiritually
  • Cuddle with animals
  • Write in your journal
  • Go to a museum

Do something that recharges you, tickles you, feels good, is relaxing, excites you, gets your juices flowing, or makes you feels special.

Do something that is just for YOU!

Filed under: Live Your Best Life, Self-care, Self-love — admin @ 11:49 am

July 18, 2011

A Special Treat for My Newsletter Subscribers

blossom cake web

My monthly newsletter turned a year old this summer!  During the past year I’ve gotten wonderful feedback and support from my newsletter subscribers.  So I asked myself, “What can I do for them?”  In the past I’ve posted my newsletter on my blog or my facebook page after it hit inboxes.

This month I want to give my subscribers a special treat!

I will be announcing a new, super exciting women’s workshop/group that I am creating for this fall.  My newsletter subscribers will get the very first chance to register for the group.  I will announce the group on my website next month.  I will not be posting this month’s newsletter anywhere.  It is going out Thursday morning and will go directly to subscribers’ inboxes and that’s it.  If you want to receive my newsletter, you can subscribe here.

Thank you so much for your support! I love sending  you information on increasing intimacy, living lusciously and spicing up your sex life!  And I can’t wait to tell you about about the new group I am creating!

Filed under: Newsletter — admin @ 3:00 pm

July 15, 2011

Reach Out and Touch Your Partner

hands web

You’ve probably heard about the importance of touch.  Plenty of research and studies have been conducted and experts agree that touch is essential.

What role does touch play in your relationship?  I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about physical intimacy.  Do you hold hands?  Do you snuggle on the couch?  Do you kiss?

Giving and receiving touch is an important part of a relationship.  If you are in a relationship, reach out and touch your partner.  Don’t wait for him or her to make the first move.  Touch your partner the way you want to be touched.  Place a hand on your mate’s knee when you a driving, lightly touch his or her face when talking, offer to give your lover a massage (or ask if he or she will give you a massage).

If you are single touch is still essential.  You can hug a friend or family member, cuddle with a pet, get a massage or touch yourself.  Touch is an important part of life.  Reach out and touch your partner (or yourself) today!

Filed under: Intimacy, Relationship, Self-care — admin @ 8:56 am

July 13, 2011

Have a Sensual Picnic

Here are a few simple ways to turn up the heat on your summer picnic!

Find a location – You don’t have to leave your house to have a sensual picnic.  Make sure you choose a space that is private and allows you to feel comfortable expressing yourself.  You’ll want a location that has minimal distractions.

Gather supplies – This is a sensual picnic so find ways to titillate your senses!  Choose a blanket that feels good to the touch.  Play with lighting and sound.  Choose clothing that delights your senses (you can go nude if you like, if you would prefer clothes find something that is comfortable and is also pleasing to touch).

Choose your food – It wouldn’t be a picnic without food right?  Choose foods that inspire your senses (visually beautiful, vibrant smells, sweet or salty or bitter tastes, rich in texture, things that make an interesting sound when you bite into them).

Then put it all together!

Create your ideal environment, clear you schedule and get ready to connect with your partner!

You may want to set a few boundaries before you get started.  Will you be feeding each other?  You may want to experiment with a blindfold and have your partner feed you…notice the way your other senses heighten when you don’t rely on your sight.  Do you want to experiment with touch during your picnic?  Do you want the picnic to lead to something sexual?  It’s OK to have the picnic be the main event.  If you haven’t connected sexually with your partner in a while a sensual picnic can be a nice way to break the ice and help you explore physical intimacy (without having sex).  If you decide you want the picnic to be foreplay and you want to connect sexually as dessert, that is great too!  Just make sure you are on the same page.

Be creative and let your senses lead the way!

Filed under: Intimacy, Pleasure, Romance, Sensuality, Sexuality — admin @ 6:02 pm

July 12, 2011

Change Your Scenery and Change Your Perspective

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This weekend I was able to get away for an overnight retreat.  I only went an hour outside of Portland, but somehow I felt like I was far far away from my routine, my stress and my “daily self.”  I found myself breathing more deeply.  I slowed down.  I softened.  I appreciated nature and my natural rhythms and simple pleasures.

When you are caught up in a routine it’s hard to be open to possibility or new ways of being.  If you are in your routine: meals, errands, even sex all have time constraints.  Stepping out of that routine can give you more time, more energy and really change your perspective.  When you are running around trying to accomplish everything on your to-do list, your relationship may get put on the backburner.  Go on an overnight with your lover and pretty soon your relationship is front and center.

If you are feeling stressed or stuck or disconnected from your relationship, change your scenery.  Go for a walk, have a date night, go out for ice cream.  Put yourself in a different location.  The new location will give you things to talk about (on Sunday I saw a doe and two young deer walking though the hotel grounds, something I don’t see in Portland!)  Getting out of your routine and putting yourself somewhere different means that for that time YOU can feel different too.  Give yourself the gift of a change in scenery and notice if that changes your perspective too!

Can’t get away for 24 hours?  Look for tomorrow’s post on creating a sensual picnic at home!

Filed under: Change, Relationship, Self-care — admin @ 1:46 pm

July 7, 2011

Will You Let Yourself Be Seen?

tomb web

Will you let yourself be seen?

in the world?

by your partner?

It is wonderful to love another person, yet

True intimacy is letting someone else see All of you.

The good, the bad, even the ugly.  The brave, the scared and the silly.  The vulnerable, the stubborn, the giddy.

The sad, the happy and the luscious.  The sexy, the frigid and the heart-broken.

What are you hiding?

Will you let yourself be seen as you truly are?

Filed under: Intimacy, Self-love — admin @ 11:08 am

July 6, 2011

It’s been 6 months, how are those New Year’s Resolutions?

Remember how gung-ho and ambitious you felt back in January?  Remember how you were going to change your life?  We are 6 months into 2011 and I’m wondering how things are progressing.

If you’ve been reading this blog since January, you know that I’m not a fan of resolutions.  They are typically temporary.  Resolutions are usually relegated to the month of January.  They are also often recycled year after year.  I recommend intentions instead.

What do you want to change or grow in your life?  What would make your relationship feel deeper, more vibrant or more enjoyable?  What element of your life needs attention, right now!  Don’t wait another 6 months to live your best life.  How can you embrace your best life this very moment?

Envision what you want your life to look like.  And then commit to doing one small thing today that brings you toward that vision!

Filed under: Change, Live Your Best Life — admin @ 3:38 pm

July 1, 2011

Hail To The Freaks!

Freaks - web

Hail To The Freaks - written on Oscar Wilde's Grave - Père Lachaise Cemetery

It’s interesting that the things that make us different are the things we often try to hide.  There is such a strong “desire” to be normal in our society, to fit in.  The very things we are trying to hide or squelch are the things that make us wonderful interesting and unique.  And I would venture a guess that even though you might “desire” to fit in, there is a part of you that truly desires to be who YOU are.  When I saw “Hail To The Freaks” written on Oscar Wilde’s grave, I found myself smiling and my soul exhaled a bit.  How wonderful to be able to be honored for being a freak!  How lovely to be able to embrace one’s freakiness!  How refreshing to be able to allow ALL of you to show up in your life.

What part of you is hiding?  What would your life be like if you let yourself be seen for who you truly are?

Filed under: Paris, Self-love, Sexual Being, Vulnerability — admin @ 9:36 am