Archive: October, 2011

October 31, 2011

Spice Up Your Sex Life with a Costume

Has your sex life become a little predictable?  One easy way to spice things up is with a costume!

A costume can be as dramatic and elaborate (or as simple) as you like.  It can be a wonderful visual tool to get you out of a sexual rut.  Your costume can be playful, sophisticated, raunchy, alluring, explicit, understated and more.  Costumes can also be incorporated into role-play.

Halloween is a really great time to get costumes at discounted prices!  You don’t have to shop at a sex toy store to find something naughty to wear (though if you do, you can pick up other fun, sexy supplies), you can find costumes online or anywhere you find other Halloween supplies.

If buying a costume feels like too much of an investment, you can piece something together at home. A costume doesn’t have to be a full body costume, it can even be an accessory or a hint of a costume.

  • Sexy undergarments
  • Stockings and heels
  • A coat with nothing underneath it
  • His necktie

The purpose of a costume is not to embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable.  Don’t get something that you will be second-guessing or hate wearing.  Look for a costume that makes you feel sexy and will also be a fun treat for your partner.

Looking for more ways to spice up your sex life?  Subscribe to my free monthly newsletter.  Or check out these previous posts.

Simple Ways to Spice Up Scheduled Sex

Spice Up Your Sex Life with a Seduction Bowl

5 Small Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Filed under: Sexuality — admin @ 10:00 am

October 27, 2011

Be explicit about your desire!

Black man and Hispanic woman kissing by the pool in love

So often I talk with people who want more foreplay, want their partner to be more dominant or want to feel desired by their partner.

While all of these are certainly worthy wishes, they are abstract and might be hard for a partner to do without more information.

When you want something from your partner (in the bedroom or out of the bedroom) be explicit. The more specific you are about your desires, the easier it will be for your partner to meet them.

If you are asking for more foreplay, make sure you paint a picture of what you want.  Do you want more kissing?  Do you want oral sex?  Maybe want you really want is verbal affirmations or flirting.

If you want your partner to be dominant, tell him what dominance looks like.  Do you want him to grab you from behind?  Do you want him to tell you what to do?  Do you want him to tie you up or spank you?

If you want to feel desired, you need to share what will make you feel desired.  Is it a look?  A touch?  Certain words?

If you want your partner to talk dirty, what kind of words do you want him to use?

If you want your partner to be more loving, what will make you feel loved?

The only way to get exactly what you want is to share exactly what it looks like. Do your partner a favor and be explicit about your desire.  Do yourself a favor and be explicit about your desires!

Want more help getting what you want in the bedroom?  Read Get the sex you want!

Filed under: Communication, Desire, Relationship, Sexuality — admin @ 4:44 pm

October 26, 2011

Bring Back the Love Letter!

Love Letter

Love letters make love stay visible. You can rub it, smell it, touch it, share it and sleep with it under your pillow. Sark

Have you ever received a love letter?  How did it make you feel?  You might be thinking that love letters are silly or “old-fashioned.”  The truth is love letters can make your beloved feel valued and cherished.

There was a time when love letters were more common and even necessary to share your feelings (if distance got in the way of face to face contact).  Now people may rely on the phone, text messages or even facebook to share their feelings.  All of those things can be great, I would still recommend trying a love letter. You can come up with fun ways to adapt a love letter, like leaving notes around the house, or even recording a message of love, I still think an old-fashioned love letter can pack a lot of punch!

The purpose of a love letter is to tell that special someone what they mean to you.  Here are a few ways to start your love letter.

  • Tell your partner what you love about her.
  • Share what made you fall in love.
  • Write about how your partner makes you feel.
  • Write about your favorite memories.
  • Fantasize about future moments you want to create and share.

If you feel uncertain about expressing yourself, find a love poem or a sonnet and use that for inspiration.

Love letters are great for a special occasion and can be even more powerful when sent (or given) for no reason at all! Break out some parchment and a quill and tell your lover just how much she means to you!

Are you looking for more help in the romance department?  Check out these posts.

Romance isn’t for sissies!

Being Romantic, Let Me Count the Ways…

Small Ways to Say “I Love You”

Filed under: Communication, Love, Relationship, Romance — admin @ 12:53 pm

October 24, 2011

Lower Your Bar

Reach for the stars!

Raise the bar!

Push yourself harder!

What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger!

The above phrases are probably something you’ve said to yourself or someone else has said to you at one time or another.  Certainly when you are moving toward a goal or have a specific outcome in mind, pushing yourself can be helpful.

However, I talk with people regularly who are trying to reach an imaginary bar and failing.  They feel awful, even worthless, because they can’t reach their bar.  They feel like failures.

Have you ever been in a relationship where someone (a partner, parent, friend or boss) kepy raising the bar?  Maybe you worked hard to complete a project only to be told it was time to start the next one.  Maybe you studied hard to get an A- and were told it wasn’t good enough.  It can feel demoralizing to strive for something and then be told it’s not enough!

Are you raising the bar on yourself? Maybe you won’t feel good unless you can check 20 things off your to do list every day.  Perhaps you are comparing yourself to someone else and feel like you “should” be able to do as much as she does.  Any time you hear yourself saying “I should…” it is probably time to lower that bar.  Lowering the bar doesn’t make you a “loser.” Lowering the bar means you have accurate ideas about what you can and can’t do during a day.  If you lower the bar you are more likely to meet it and you are more likely to feel good about yourself. If you feel good about yourself then you will have more energy to do the things that are most important to it.  You might actually “accomplish” more by lowering the bar because feeling bad about yourself takes up a lot of time and energy!

Still nervous about lowering that bar?  You don’t have to do it forever.  You don’t even have to do it for every area of your life.  You can still reach for the stars in your career and lower the bar with housework.  You can shoot for the moon in terms of loving your partner and lower the bar with trying to take care of everyone around you.

Take an inventory of what is most important in your life.  Truly.  What is important to YOU? Are there things you are doing that don’t really matter to you?  Perhaps you can lower the bar in those areas.  Are there parts of your life that make you feel worthless or like a loser?  Perhaps in those areas you’ve placed the bar out of reach.  Do yourself a favor and make your life a little easier.  It’s OK to feel good about yourself.

Filed under: Change, Self-care, Self-love — admin @ 6:33 pm

October 20, 2011

Don’t Blame the Lettuce

Healthy relationship lettuce

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you
don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not
doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or
less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have
problems with our friends or family, we blame the other
person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will
grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive
effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason
and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no
reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you
understand, and you show that you understand, you can
love, and the situation will change”

Thich Nhat Hanh

Filed under: Communication, Intimacy, Relationship — admin @ 10:42 am

October 18, 2011

Self-judgment doesn’t serve you!

heart in the woods

Judging yourself doesn’t serve you.

Doubting yourself doesn’t serve you.

Hating yourself doesn’t serve you.

Cutting yourself down, beating yourself up and tearing yourself apart will hurt you, not help you.

Some people would argue that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and while that might be true for you…there will be enough hardship in your life, you don’t need to make your life harder.

There will be enough obstacles, difficulties, heartbreak…you don’t need to add to that.

There are enough doubters, critics and naysayers in your life. You don’t need to add your own voice to that mix.

It’s OK to love yourself. It’s more than OK. It is essential.

If you don’t love yourself, who can love you?

If you don’t respect yourself, who can respect you?

If you don’t trust yourself, who can trust you?

You are a gift, it’s time to believe it!

Filed under: Self-love — admin @ 2:04 pm

October 14, 2011

Get the sex you want!

Have you ever been in a situation where your partner spends oodles of time licking away on a certain part of your body, but what you really want is to be kissed somewhere else?

Perhaps your partner is sweet and tender and tonight you really want to be taken in a way that feels rough or passionate.

On Studio6 we talked about getting the sex you want.

It’s OK to ask for something different in the bedroom. It’s OK to want things sexually. It’s more than OK to get the sex you want!

Filed under: Communication, Pleasure, Relationship, Sexuality, Video — admin @ 9:25 am

October 13, 2011

Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level?

Is it time to move in together?

Are you ready to get married?

Do you want to start a family?

Making life decisions in your relationship can be tricky. It’s especially complicated when you are ready but your partner isn’t.

There is no magic formula you can use to see if you are ready, but there are a couple things you can look at. There are some areas you need to address before moving forward. Make sure you have a conversation about finances, chores, values, family or parenting (depending on what step you are ready to take). Be clear about your desires. It’s important to speak your truth and to also be open to what your partner has to say. It can feel disappointing when you both aren’t ready to move in a certain direction. If you aren’t on the same page, make sure you revisit the topic because things can change.

Filed under: Change, Marriage, Relationship, Video — admin @ 9:05 am

October 11, 2011

What the F is Foreplay

I often hear from women that they want more foreplay. Foreplay can be a wonderful way to make sure you are both warmed up and ready to connect fully sexually. So what is it?

Foreplay happens after seduction and before the main event. If intercourse is the main event for you, oral sex might be foreplay. If oral sex is the main event, then foreplay might be a sensual massage that moves into heavy petting. Foreplay is more than just leaning over and giving your partner a squeeze. The most enjoyable foreplay wakes your partner’s body up and then turns your partner’s body on.

Foreplay (like seduction) can before very personal. One common theme is that it’s most exciting when someone takes his or her time with foreplay. A slow build up can be very tantalizing.

Step 1 – Find out your partner’s favorite kind of foreplay (the easiest way to do that is to ask).

Step 2 – Take your time with it!

Step 3 – Enjoy yourself!

Filed under: Intimacy, Pleasure, Relationship, Sexuality, Video — admin @ 8:21 am

October 8, 2011

What do you want in a relationship?

Can you picture your ideal relationship?  Do you know what you want it to look like?  What about your ideal partner?

If you are single and interested in dating, it’s a good idea to get clear about what you do (and don’t) want in a relationship or partner.  Make a list of what you want in a partner.  Be specific.  What are you willing to settle for?  What is a dating deal breaker?

It might not be possible to find one person who has every trait on your ideal list.  However, if you have a list that will give you a good map to refer to when you meet someone.  If you’ve written down what you want, you will be less likely to settle when you met someone and he or she doesn’t live up to your wish list.

Filed under: Dating, Relationship, Video — admin @ 8:36 am

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