Archive: November, 2011

November 30, 2011

31 Days of Giving

Gift giving

As I look back at November, it feels like it was a really good month.  However, when I dissect it a bit, it was wonderful and difficult, fun and sad.  I think my “recollection” of the month is so positive because I focused on gratitude and being thankful all month long.

30 Days of Thanks was such a treat for me! Because of that, I wanted to come up with something I could do in December to keep me present and keep the gratitude going.  I’ve decided to focus on giving in December.  31 Days of Giving is one way for me to focus on what I have and also on feeling good.  This month my intention is to give without expectations.  Giving doesn’t have to be big or expensive.  I will update you about my month of giving about once a week.  I know that like gratitude, this will impact my month positively.  I would love it if you would join me this month.

Here are some ways you might give in December –

  • Give a loved one a special present
  • Give a compliment
  • Give of your time or talent
  • Give someone you care about a break (let them relax while you watch their kids or clean up for them)
  • Give to your partner sexually ( you knew I would throw that one in, didn’t you!)
  • Volunteer
  • Give thanks
  • Give to a charity
  • Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk (or rake their leaves)
  • Give a note of appreciation to your favorite service worker
  • Give blood

There are so many wonderful (and simple) ways for you to give.  Giving not only feels good for the receiver, notice how positively it impacts YOUR life as well!

Filed under: Gratitude, Support — admin @ 4:13 pm

November 29, 2011

Validate Your Partner

What are the most important ingredients in a relationship?

Love? Respect? Sexual Chemistry? Shared Interests? Common Values? Empathy? Understanding?

What about Validation? Validation doesn’t mean you always think your partner is right…it means you are honoring his experience.  When you validate your partner, you show you care!

For more information about validation check out my November Newsletter “Validation is Important for Your Relationship!”

Filed under: Communication, Newsletter, Relationship — admin @ 4:00 am

November 21, 2011

Keeping the Peace at Holiday Gatherings

This week kicks off a month of holiday parties, dinners and gatherings.  For many people this is an exciting time and for most people it is also stressful!

We begin to feel short on time and money and our To Do list becomes a mile long with cooking, baking, shopping, decorating and social events.  We are already stretched and then you add “family” into the mix and things can become heated.

Here is a video to help you keep the peace at your next holiday gathering.

Filed under: Communication, Family, Support — admin @ 9:40 am

November 17, 2011

What AREN’T You Talking About in Your Relationship?

Couple having trouble communicating

What do you and your partner talk about?  What do you fight about?

Are you in a relationship where you feel like strangers because you don’t share your thoughts or feelings?

Perhaps you get along really well, never fight and feel very connected.  If you go deeper though, maybe you have learned to avoid certain topics that could cause fights (sex, money, infidelity, past hurts, disappointments).

Just because you and your partner don’t fight or argue, doesn’t mean you communicate perfectly.

If there are things you avoid talking about, they can eventually create a wall between the two of you.  It can feel scary or vulnerable to start talking about those touchy subjects, however those conversations with help you increase your intimacy.

If it feels risky or overwhelming, start slowly.  You can designate an evening or even 30 minutes to talk about one of your hot button topics.  You can set up some ground rules beforehand (if you are worried about getting in a fight).  The more you talk about those scary topics, the less scary they become.  It’s like shame or being scared of the dark – shine the light on them (or talk about them) and they aren’t so scary!

Want a little help getting those conversations going?

Look at - Talking About Sex IS Sexual Intimacy or Be Explicit About Your Desires!

Filed under: Communication, Relationship, Vulnerability — admin @ 7:24 pm

November 14, 2011

What Are You Taking For Granted?

It’s easy to be grateful when big things happen.

Get your dream job and feel so unbelievably grateful!

Your partner buys you a really special gift and you may find yourself beaming!

Avoid a car accident and you may feel relief and gratitude wash over you!

What about every day gratitude?  What about appreciation for the small things?

What about gratitude for things that you just expect.  Are you grateful for hot water?  Are you grateful for the daily kiss or hug you get from your partner?

What might you be taking for granted?

Just because your partner ALWAYS takes the trash out, doesn’t mean you can’t be grateful for that.  Just because your partner has always turned you on and pleased you sexually doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be appreciative.  Sometimes when we stop expressing gratitude or appreciation we started expecting things or we take them for granted.  If you have ever felt unappreciated or taken for granted, you know how painful that can be.

Take a little inventory of your life.  For what are you grateful?  What would you hate to do without?  What would you really miss if it was gone?  Who would you really miss if they were gone?

Want to get gratitude going in your life?  Here are some posts on gratitude.

Filed under: Communication, Gratitude, Relationship, Video — admin @ 10:00 am

November 10, 2011

Say It Out LOUD!

nruboc070100158_blog

Is there something you want in your life?  Are you holding it close to your chest, keeping it safe, hoping it will happen?  It can be helpful to protect your wishes or inner thoughts at times.  However, there are other situations where speaking your wishes out loud might help them come true.

What declaration are you ready to make in your life?

  • Are you ready for a new job?
  • Do you want to make money doing something you love?
  • Are you ready to be loved and respected the way you deserve?
  • Are you ready to truly love yourself?
  • Do you want more in your relationship?
  • Would you like some love and support?

What’s keeping you from saying what you want? Are you worried people will judge you?  Are you afraid of looking foolish?  I can’t promise you that everyone will love what you have to say.  I do know that when you say what you want, it can be more likely to happen.  If you want more foreplay in your relationship but keep that to yourself, NOTHING will change.  If you share your desire for more foreplay with your partner, together you can make it happen! In any of my big changes or moves in my life, I shared my desires with people.  I talked about wanting to spend time in Paris (truthfully I thought about it for years and nothing happened and when I started talking about it, things shifted).  I talked about starting my private practice (even though some people said it was too risky, too soon, too silly).

When you share your wishes out loud, a couple things happen.  You are setting your own plan in motion.  You make yourself accountable (if you say you want to leave your job and years go by, you will have to look more closely at your life).  You are also inviting other people to help you. If you share with your friends that you are ready to start dating again, they may have the perfect match in mind.  If you keep that to yourself, your friends might think you are content being single.

If there is something you want in your relationship, talk about it with your partner.

If there is something you want in your life, name it, say it out loud and share it with some trusted people.

Filed under: Communication, Live Your Best Life, Self-care, Support — admin @ 1:03 pm

November 9, 2011

Mending Your Broken Heart

There is no magic way to mend your broken heart. It takes time, energy and loving support.

Allow yourself the time you need to grieve and mourn. You aren’t weak or wimpy if you feel sad after ending a relationship.  If you run from your feelings, they will catch up with you!

Take care of yourself.

Ask for what you need from your friends and family.

When you are ready, look at your relationship (the REAL relationship, not what you hoped it would be).  After you have evaluated what really happened, think about what you really want in your life and what you want in the future. Describe your ideal relationship. What is really important to you? What are you willing to settle for? Get clear about it so that you don’t walk blindly into your next partnership.

Let me say this one more time (just in case you are beating up on yourself and feeling like you need to speed up your process).

Take Your Time!

Let Yourself Grieve!

Don’t Ignore Your Feelings!

Ask For Support!

Then, when you are ready you can think about moving forward (only when YOU are ready though, there is no need to rush this process).

Here is more information about recovering after a break up -

Life After a Break-up – Recovering and Moving On

Recovering From a Break-up Part 2

Filed under: Grief, Relationship, Self-care, Self-love, Support, Video — admin @ 7:25 pm

November 4, 2011

Is there a Me in We?

So often when working with couples I hear from one partner who wants more alone time (or time with friends) or one partner who wants more quality with their partner.  Learning to navigate time together and time apart can take a while.  There is no magic number of hours that each couple should spend together.  Keep in mind that if you or your partner feel smothered, that will impact your relationship.  If you or your partner feel ignored or lonely, that will impact your relationship.  More than that, feeling smothered or ignored will most likely negatively affect your sex life.

For tips on balancing Me and We, check out my October Newsletter: Balancing Independence and a Relationship.

If you want to receive my next month’s newsletter, subscribe here.

Filed under: Marriage, Newsletter, Relationship — admin @ 9:18 am

November 2, 2011

30 Days of Thanks

gratitude flower

It’s no secret that I’m a big ‘ole fan of gratitude.  I think it can make a major difference in relationships and in your own life.  With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I am committing to a month of thanksgiving…a month of active gratitude…a month of saying “thank you” every single day.

There have been times in my life when gratitude has been easy (living in Paris for 5 weeks, it was pretty easy to feel very blessed).  Currently in my life things are a bit harder and I have a feeling that a daily gratitude practice might be even more powerful now.  Just because you are suffering or struggling, doesn’t mean you should give up gratitude.  It also doesn’t mean you can’t feel your suffering and also feel grateful.  You can feel hardship and be thankful.  Both things can be true.

This is not a new concept.  Plenty of other people have declared November a month of gratitude and I think it’s beautiful.  I would love it if you would join me.  Every day I will post my gratitude on facebook or twitter.  I would also love to know what you are grateful for.  I think there is power in community and that my thanks might inspire your thanks and that thanks might inspire someone else and then that thanks might come back and inspire me.  So wherever you are now, take a moment and give a little thanks.

Today I am grateful for sunshine, a midday dance party in the kitchen, a new washing machine and an amazing tribe of women.

For what are you most grateful, today?

Filed under: Gratitude — admin @ 3:45 pm