Archive: December, 2011

December 28, 2011

You Don’t Have to be a Sexy Tiger!

I am so excited about this new group I am offering.  If you’ve been visiting this blog for a while, you know I am working on a book about women’s sexuality.  This group is based on the same work.  I made a video to better explain what the group is about and how it will change your life.

You can find the current information for this group on my event page.  I would love it if you would join me on this journey!

Filed under: Body-Image, Groups, Pleasure, Sexual Being, Sexuality, Sexy Tiger, Video — admin @ 12:31 pm

December 23, 2011

It Is All About Connection

Making a wish at the Portland Grotto 2010

Making a wish at the Portland Grotto 2010

When I think about my very favorite parts of this time of year, it’s all about connection. Whether I think of the time building up to the big event, or I picture Christmas morning with my family, my favorite part is connecting.

  • Connecting with family or friends.
  • Connecting with traditions and rituals.
  • Connecting with spirit.
  • Connecting with faith or beliefs.
  • Connecting with self.
  • Connecting with music.
  • Connecting with feelings or emotions.
  • Connecting with childlike wonder or excitement.
  • Connecting with food, festivities and frivolity.
  • Connecting with hopes, desires and dreams.
  • Connecting with history, memories and seasons past.
  • Connecting with Pleasure!

What (or who) are you connecting with?

Wishing a very Happy Holiday season to you and yours.  May you feel connected, loved and valuable.

Filed under: Emotions, Family, Holidays, Love, Relationship, Self-love, Spirituality — admin @ 12:05 pm

December 20, 2011

Focus on Your Relationship this Holiday Season!

Christmas Couple

Amidst all of the holiday hustle and bustle your relationship may have gotten lost in the shuffle.  It’s easy to focus on shopping lists and to do list this time of year.  If you have a to do list, take a moment to write “Focus on my relationship” right on the very tip top so you can be sure you don’t forget about your partner.

Here are some ways to make sure you put some attention on your partner this season.

  • Create a holiday ritual – You may each have holiday traditions that came from your families of origin.  Perhaps you keep those holiday rituals going.  Now is a great time to create your own tradition or ritual.  I know a couple who bought an advent calendar years ago.  It has 24 boxes in it.  One person fills the odd days with gifts and the other fills the even days with gifts.  It’s an inexpensive, and fun way to focus on their relationship during the holidays.  Not only are they on the prowl for small gifts for each other (which means they are on each others minds), they also spend time opening our advent calendar together each morning before the chaos of the day begins.
  • If you are exchanging gifts, put some thought into yours – Do you scour every store for the perfect presents for your kids?  Do you put hours into picking out the best gift for your mother?  What about your partner?  You don’t have to spend a lot of money to let your mate know you care.
  • Stay on the same team – The holidays can bring stress, exhaustion, illness (those darn winter colds or flu) and fighting!  Whether it’s money, gift giving, family stress or the cat knocking over the Christmas tree (Again!) – your partner is not your enemy.  One way to keep the peace (and keep stress at bay) is to remember you are on the same team.  How can you get through the holidays as a unit, rather than opposing forces?
  • Make time for the two of you – Are you making time for parties, pageants, shopping, baking, decorating and wrapping?  What about making time for your partner?  Schedule a date night (holiday themed or not).  Or take a little time to sip some eggnog and cuddle up after you put the kids to bed.  If you resemble the Tasmania devil during the holiday season, it might feel extra hard to stop and connect with your lover.  Stop, put the wrapping paper down, wash the flour off your hands and focus on your relationship (even if it’s just for a few minutes).

This holiday season comes once a year.  Make sure you keep that in perspective.  While you may have huge expectations and a mile long to do list, what is more important – The holiday season?  Or your long-term relationship?

Filed under: Holidays, Marriage, Relationship, Ritual — admin @ 12:28 pm

December 13, 2011

Get What You Want, Even During the Holidays!

As you are shopping for others, baking for others, running errands for others, wrapping presents for others, cleaning and cooking and decorating for OTHERS – you might think there isn’t time for YOUR needs during the holiday. You might have to make time for yourself this season.  You might have to ASK for what you want. You might have to make yourself a priority.  It’s not impossible to get what you want this holiday (whether it’s help around the house, the perfect gift or just a little relaxation).  But you will need to ask for what you want or make your desires know.

I talked about feeling loved and appreciated on KOIN Keep It Local.  Watch the video to find out how you and your partner can get your needs met during this busy time of year.

Filed under: Communication, Holidays, Marriage, Relationship, Self-love — admin @ 11:27 am

December 9, 2011

I’ll have a blue christmas without you!

Sad during the holidaysFor many the holidays are a time of joy, frivolity and celebration.  For others, this time of cheer and mistletoe really brings home feelings of loneliness or grief.

The holiday season can be really hard if you’ve recently gone through a break up. Cozy evenings, holiday parties and fantasies about special gifts you were going to exchange might make you miss your ex even more.

The holidays can be hard if you have been single for a while and really want to be partnered. Seeing couples connecting over a mug of cocoa (or eggnog) might really highlight how lonely you feel.

This time of year can feel unbearable if you are grieving the loss of a loved one or have a sick family member. You may find your thoughts consumed by memories of past holidays.  Or your heart may be breaking as you realize new memories won’t be created this year.  If you may be losing someone in the next year, you may be trying to “make” this the best holiday ever!

If you are struggling with sadness this holiday season, you are not alone (even though you may feel like it!)  The holidays can be very hard for many people.

Here are some ways to cope.

  • Get some support! Talk to a therapist, friend, family member or pastor.  Join a support group.  Talk with someone who has experienced a similar loss.  Make sure you are expressing your feelings.
  • Find some comfort! What would make you feel even a tiny bit better?  Get a massage.  Buy yourself a special gift.  Create new rituals for yourself.
  • Have realistic expectations. If you are struggling this holiday season, it probably won’t be the best holiday ever!  It’s OK to have ups and downs.  Can you just show up each day and see what happens?
  • Choose when to stay home and when to participate. If going to your friend’s holiday party will only make you feel more alone, let yourself stay home.  On the other hand, if staying home for the 7th time this week is going to make you feel horribly lonely, go out!
  • Don’t force yourself to be cheery and don’t force yourself to be miserable. Let yourself feel your feelings!  You may be sad and that’s OK.  You may also be surprised at how cheery you feel (even when you are grieving).  That’s OK too.

Take extra care of yourself if the holidays are hard.  Practicing self-care can help.  Even if you feel alone, you don’t have to be lonely.  Get the support you need.

Filed under: Emotions, Family, Grief, Holidays, Relationship, Self-care, Support — admin @ 9:02 am

December 8, 2011

You are NEVER too old for some sex education.

Sex Education

Sometimes people come to my office because they have questions about sex or they want to make their sex more pleasurable, more exciting or just want it to feel “better.”  I often hear, “I feel like I should know this by now” or “I feel too old to be asking this…”  It doesn’t matter if they are 23, 43 or 63 – they all feel they should know it all by now.

Here’s the thing about sex.  It is not a destination you reach. It is not something you figure out “once and for all.” It’s not even static (who you are sexually changes!).  There is always more to learn about sex!  And just because you don’t know EVERYTHING about sex, doesn’t mean you are a lousy lover.  PRETENDING to know everything about sex or not learning more about sex because you are embarrassed or afraid probably does negatively impact your sexual experience.

If you are looking for more information about sex, here are some resources.

  • Talk with a sex therapist, counselor or educator. There doesn’t have to be something “wrong” with your sex life for you to go get some support.  You don’t even have to go long term.  Going to 1-3 sessions may give you enough information to take your sex life from “so-so” to “So Great!”
  • Read a book about sex and relationships.
  • Attend a class or workshop. If you are in the Portland Area, She Bop is a great resource.
  • Visit your local sex toy store. Talking with the staff and seeing books, videos and toys up close and personal can be very helpful.
  • Watch a video. There are plenty of “how to” videos out there.
  • You can also talk to your partner and explore this together.

There is no shame in wanting to improve your sex life or learn more about what pleases you or your partner.  Get yourself some sex education.  I’m betting your homework will be really fun!

Filed under: Relationship, Sexual Being, Sexuality — admin @ 11:59 am

December 2, 2011

Holiday Stresses!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!  Or is it?

Now is the time when people often become overwhelmed with mile long To Do lists.  People start running around decorating and over-schedule their planners with holiday engagements.  Not only is it hard to find time to focus on your relationship…but relationships are often a source of stress this time of year!

If you and your partner have conflicting views on how (or where) to celebrate the holidays the following video offers some solutions.

Remember what is most important this time of year.  Remember what is most important in your life.  The holidays don’t have to be stressful.  It’s truly up to you.

Filed under: Family, Holidays, Relationship, Video — admin @ 11:37 am