Embrace Your Sexual Dichotomies!

April 25th, 2012 by admin in Sexual Being, Sexuality, Sexy Tiger
Bookmark and Share

I made these cupcakes for the last day of my Women's Sexuality Group

I made these cupcakes for the last day of my Women's Sexuality Group

Who are you sexually?  It is not a question that deserves a yes or no answer.  It’s not even a question most people can answer with one word (or even a few words).  Yet so often I hear from people that think if they don’t match a certain idea of what “sexuality” is – they are not sexual at all.

Who you are sexually is not one-size-fits-all.  It is deeply personal. Just like who you are as a partner, a partner, a sibling, a friend, a worker, etc.  Who you are sexually may be complex.  It may even be full of dichotomies.  You might be courageous in the bedroom and you may also be submissive.  Just like emotions, BOTH things can be true for your sexually.  You get to create your own definition of who you are sexually.  Last year I conducted a sexuality survey for women.  I asked if they know who they are sexually (57% of the respondents answered yes).  I also asked if I could share who they are sexually in my book or on my blog (I have only included responses for which I received permission).  Here are a few of the varied responses.

  • I love sex.  I am open, but sometimes lazy, sometimes disappointed and opening up to my partner more all the time about what I like or want.  I ask him questions about his preferences as well. I have noticed that I need to feel emotionally connected to him for the sex to be good; otherwise, we’re just going through the motions.  For me, sex is much more than just a physical connection.  That is important, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to understand who I am as a sexual being and I accept that my sexuality is a big part of being a healthy woman.
  • Sensual but not dirty.  Adventurous but not creative. Pretty standard.  Enjoy the connection of two people.
  • I am a playful, sensual, sexual womanly woman who likes to touch and stare and lick and bite and moan.  I like to wear my hair long and show a little cleavage.  I like to run to the front door when my husband comes home and I like to throw my arms around him and give him a million kisses.  I don’t rely on anyone else for my only sexual pleasure.  I love tastes and smells both clean and musky.  I love to caress and be caressed and I love ravish and to be ravished.  I don’t judge.  I feel anything goes as long as both/all parties are up for it.
  • Blossoming but also blocked…wild in fantasy and influenced by media fantasies…shy…asking for permission…
  • I am a strong independent woman, who, in the bedroom, likes to be submissive and dominated.
  • I am a woman who loves sex. I had an amazing time sewing my oats when I was single, and I am happily married now. I have an adventurous spirit and am blessed with an amazing lover and partner. I just wish I had more time for it! I hate that sex is on the back burner for me. It used to be such a priority and now I feel like I don’t put enough focus on it. Our schedules are opposite so it’s not always possible.  My personal life is awesome and it feels good to have that part of my life settled. However, my career path is unfulfilled and I spend so much time focusing on that. I wish I put half that energy into my lovemaking. I love having sex and I feel so good physically and mentally when I do.
  • I’m passionate, sexy, erotic, flirtatious, romantic, and sensual. More than the sex act itself, I enjoy the seduction that comes before it because my erogenous zone is my mind. I love to have fun in bed and give my all to my partners. Although I have a traditional side and would like to settle down in a committed, monogamous relationship with the right man, I have a creative and vivid imagination. I would like to explore all kinds of “alternative” fantasies. I feel confident that I’m the best lover I know.

All of these women are sexual.  Who you are sexually is OK.  It’s more than OK, it’s as it should be. I will be writing more about this topic since I just finished my first 10-week “You Don’t Have to be a Sexy Tiger” group and I’ve received all sorts of wonderful information.  I am so excited about this topic and the book it is fueling.  My wish is that we can all know who we are sexually.  More than that, I hope that we can all accept who we are sexually and also work on shifting or growing sexually if that is important to you.  I’m sharing more of the responses to the survey in my April newsletter.  You can subscribe here.

Don’t Ignore your sexuality. Stop judging who you are (or who you think you should be).  Embrace Your Sexual Dichotomies – It’s OK to be complex (or simple…or both!)

One Response to “Embrace Your Sexual Dichotomies!”

  1. Julie Jeske, M.S. Says:

    […] and discoveries and uncover who they are.  I watched them shift and grow and embrace their unique sexual selves.  And now I want to offer the same 10 week program to All Women!  You don’t have to live in […]