Archive: June, 2012

June 26, 2012

How do you negotiate with your partner?

  • Scream and fight until you get your way?
  • Keep silent, let him “win” and then fume and hold resentment?
  • Perhaps you cuddle up together and calmly talk things out?

Mostly likely, it’s some combination of the above…or perhaps it looks nothing like the above.  The truth is you are going to have to bend or compromise or negotiate at some time in your relationship.

We talked about negotiating with your partner on KOIN Studio 6.  You can see the video here.

Sometimes compromise stinks! We talk about compromise being such a wonderful thing…but sometimes it’s really hard.  And it’s not always possible to compromise on some topics (you can’t have half a baby).  When you are negotiating, know what’s really important to you.  What are you willing to bend on?  What can’t you budge on?  Be very clear about what you want and also what your partner wants and what’s best for your relationship.

If your negotiation tactics are causing a fight, you might find this post about fair fighting helpful.

Filed under: Communication, Relationship, Video — admin @ 1:38 pm

June 18, 2012

What would your 16 year old self think about your life?

A few months ago I posted about the power of envisioning the end of your life and how you will be remembered.  I suggested you imagine how you will feel about the decisions you made and the way you lived.  Lately I’ve been thinking about going back in time and imagining what my younger self would think about how things are progressing.

What would your 16-year-old self think about the path you are on?

  • Would she be excited to see how things are turning out?
  • Would she be sad that you gave up some creative outlets or dreams?
  • Would she be surprised by some of the twists and turns?
  • Would she be proud of how you are showing up in the world?

Looking forward and looking back can give you a little perspective if you are feeling stuck.  Sometimes we don’t notice how much we have changed and grown until we remember where we came from.  Or we might forget our roots completely and need a little reminder about who we were and who we hoped to become.

Practice a little imaginary time travel by exploring what you would think about your life at different ages.  If you find that your younger self would be really disappointed by how things turned out, you might do a little soul searching to determine if things are OK or if she was on to something.  Perhaps it’s time to pick up a long lost hobby or passion.  Perhaps it’s time to remember former values and live the life you imagined.  It might be time to affirm your life choices and feel good about the choices you’ve made.  Whatever you learn, looking back can give you good information that can inform your present and future.

Filed under: Change, Self-love — admin @ 5:42 pm

June 13, 2012

5 Ways to Remember Your Kegels

Kegels aren’t hard to do, but sometimes remembering to do them is difficult. Here are a few ways to get kegels on your radar and make sure you are focusing on your pelvic health every day.

  • Attach your kegels to an activity – You might stay in bed a few minutes longer in the morning to do your kegels. Practice them while waiting in line for your latte, brushing your teeth or using the copy machine at work.
  • Pick a place – Associate your kegels with a certain place. Maybe you do your kegels in the shower, the car or while walking your dog. Make sure you choose a place you visit daily.
  • Get on a schedule – Find a time of day that works for you. Do them in the am or on your lunch break or before you drift off to sleep.
  • Set an alarm or reminder – Use your phone or computer (or even an old fashioned alarm clock) to help you remember your kegels.
  • Buy an app – You can find apps for your phone that remind you to do your kegels, track how often you are doing them and even vary the exercise (and increase the difficulty). Just like any form of exercise, kegels can get boring and an app can help keep them interesting.

There are plenty of ways to find 5 minutes to do your kegels. Find something that works for you and notice how kegels impact your pelvic health.

Filed under: Sexual Being, Sexuality, health, kegels — admin @ 5:16 pm

June 7, 2012

Pregnancy and Your Body

My May newsletter is about Body Image. You can view it here.

It was inspired by a TV segment I did about women and bathing suits and by my own feelings about my body as it shifts with pregnancy.

And then a week ago I made a video for my Heart Centered Sexuality retreat.

When I watched the video I was shocked by how I felt looking at myself on camera.  Have you ever heard your voice on a recording and been surprised by how it sounded?  That’s how I felt when I saw myself at 30 weeks of pregnancy.  I’ve been talking with and listening to many pregnant women lately and I’m noticing how we talk about pregnancy and body image.

It hurts my heart to hear how many women call themselves “fat.” It’s not just the women who are using these terms, but I’m hearing that partners and family members are also commenting on how “huge” some pregnant women are or they are comparing them to other pregnant women as it if it is a one size fits all experience.

Some women LOVE being pregnant and feel great about the way their body is changing.  They feel sexy and curvy and glowing. Others struggle with the changes and feel big or unattractive or sick or uncomfortable.  It can be especially hard for women who have struggled with weight or body image in the past. Imagine spending years or decades trying to manage your weight (or lose weight) and now being told you should gain about 30 pounds.

Not only does your body look different, it may feel different.  You may move differently.  You may respond to smells, touch and food differently.  You may experience pleasure differently.  There are so many physical changes happening (and then there are hormones and feelings and fears and excitement).

Please be gentle with yourself. Do your best to turn down the volume on your inner critic and turn up the volume on self-loveIf you are looking for specific steps you can take to love your body, check out my May Newsletter. You may also enjoy these posts about body image.

You have curves, embrace them!

Is your body image impacting your relationship?

Treat your body well.

Filed under: Body-Image, Newsletter, Pregnancy — admin @ 6:12 pm