Be Your Own Best Lover

September 19th, 2012 by admin in Newsletter, Pleasure, Self-love, Sexual Being, Sexuality
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In my August newsletter, I wrote about the idea that someone else should be able to show you what feels good sexually.  Some people have a fantasy that someone will come along and “fix” any sexual difficulty they might have.  They wish someone could teach them how to have an orgasm.  They hope this magical person could help them maintain they erection.  They are waiting for the “right” person to unlock their pleasure, passion or desire.

While it’s certainly possible (and quite pleasurable) to find an intuitive lover (someone who can read your body) – it’s not the best way to learn what is most pleasurable.  The best way to learn what works for you and your body is find out for yourself.  Take some time to get to know your body.  Experiment with touch.  You can do this on your own or with a partner (if you are with your partner make sure you are in the driver’s seat).

Set the mood

  • Make sure the room is warm enough and the lighting feels good to you.
  • You may want to take a shower or bath first.
  • You might like a glass of wine to help you relax.
  • Look at yourself in a mirror – your whole body – objectively.  Don’t dwell on the things you hate, really see yourself.  If you are with your partner, let yourself be seen as well (this can feel very vulnerable or intense).
  • Get to know your body.  Take some lotion or oil and rub it over your body.  Again don’t focus on (or avoid) the places you hate.  Pay attention to your whole body.  Experiment with touch and pressure.  Make a note of what feels good.  If you do this with a partner, take turns giving and receiving and share feedback about what feels good.

The first time you do the above exercise don’t try to “get off”, focus on getting to know your body – truly knowing it.  With time you can turn up the heat on the exercise and try to turn yourself on and experience pleasure.

Being your own best lover doesn’t just apply in the bedroom.

  • Treat yourself with loving care.
  • Take yourself on a date.
  • Speak kindly to (and about) yourself.
  • See yourself through compassionate eyes.
  • Be gentle with yourself.

Be your own best friend and your own best lover!

Need a little help figuring out how to be your own best lover in the bedroom?  Check out my online class – “You Don’t Have to be a Sexy Tiger: Discover YOUR Sexual Self!”

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