Can you change your partner?

October 30th, 2012 by admin in Change, Relationship, Video
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Do you want your partner to change?

I often hear from people who are wishing their partner would change in some way.

Maybe they want more romance, more help around the house, more passion, more confidence.  Maybe they want less fighting, less criticism, less anger, less disappointment.

We talked about this topic on KOIN Studio6. Mackenzie Phillips was a special guest for the segment.


Is it possible to change your partner?

Some people think they can if they nag or pester enough.  Some people partner and then think, ‘If I hold out long enough, he could become the person I want him to be.’

Change is hard.  It’s hard enough to change personally…but trying to get another person to change is nearly impossible.  Someone really has to want that change (and then it’s still hard).  It can help to focus on behaviors rather than personal traits (i.e. “I would love it if you could take the garbage out each week” rather than, “Stop being so lazy!”).

You CAN change the way you experience your partner.  You CAN change your expectations.  You CAN learn to accept your partner (ALL of him/her).  Change is hard (if it wasn’t then there wouldn’t be any unhealthy habits or situations in the world).  It’s much easier to focus on your life and your situation rather than trying to change another person.  If you find yourself in a frustrating situation, ask yourself, “How can I make this better?” rather than waiting on someone else.

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