Archive: January, 2014

January 24, 2014

A Call to Working With Sexuality

I am thrilled to be a part of a symposium focusing on working with sexuality!

January 2014 Research Symposium – A Calling to Work With Sexuality: Why and How?

I am one of 5 practitioners who will discuss how we were called to do this work and what it means to us.

The event is full, but you can stream it live.

If you are interested in listening, please go here.

The room name is “Research Symposium: A Calling to Work With Sexuality: Why and How?” and the password is PWI (case sensitive).

You can also find more information on the event page.  I’m looking forward to a stimulation discussion!

Filed under: Sexuality, Speaking, Therapy — admin @ 5:33 pm

What makes you come alive?

Alive


Last night I went out to see live dance. For years I’ve been going to White Bird with a group of women and we share a meal and then go to the performance Last night I drank a champagne cocktail, laughed and then watched a group of people dance. And while I was out I thought, “Yes, I remember. This is how I feel when I see dance. I feel alive.”


What makes you come alive?


Every 6 weeks I gather in a women’s circle with some phenomenal women and we journal and journey and share and grow. And every time I feel ALIVE!


What makes you come alive?


This term I’m co-teaching a Human Sexuality class at PSU. Leaving my house and my babe on a Monday night can feel hard. Especially when I still have my private practice and my writing and all of my other responsibilities. And as soon as the class starts I come alive. At the end of the class I’m vibrating. Yes. I am alive.


What makes you come alive?


Maybe it’s exercise. Maybe it’s time in nature. Maybe it’s travel. I hope there are many things. Many possibilities Maybe it’s dancing. Maybe it’s going to a sporting event. Maybe it’s making art. Maybe it’s sex.


What makes you come alive?


If you are in a relationship, what makes you feel alive as a couple? Having breakfast and reading the paper might feel nice or comfortable, but do you feel alive? What engages you? What excites you? What plugs you into each other?


What makes you come alive?


I’m not suggesting you are “dead” the rest of the time. Sometimes we are caught up in the grind. Sometimes we are on autopilot. Sometimes we are struggling. Sometimes we are going through the motions. And sometimes we feel alive. We feel awake. We feel excited or sparkly or alert. When I feel alive I feel more like me. What makes you feel like you?


And could you be doing more of that? Could you be feeling alive more often? Will you let yourself be alive?

Filed under: Live Your Best Life, Self-love — admin @ 11:38 am

January 20, 2014

Looking for BIG and missing the Little

Little moments

Last night I was thinking about my Sunday. Nothing special happened, but it was a lovely day. It wasn’t extraordinary or exciting or adventurous. It was LOVELY though. It was quiet and contemplative and also sweet and connecting. It involved coffee with a friend, making my daughter laugh as I danced around with a towel on my wet hair, getting lots of work done while she napped, a clean house, a good phone call with my mom, a quick visit with some friends at a currently unopened bar that is going to be incredible (and the joy of witnessing my friends’ hard work and dedication blossoming), a super yummy cookie and time on the couch with my pugs. The only thing on my calendar was the coffee with my friend. The entire day unfolded around my daughter’s sleep schedule and I only left my house once. A year from now I probably won’t remember this day. I don’t think it was a life defining day. AND it was beautiful. If I was only holding out for life’s “big moments” I may have been disappointed by yesterday. If I was only seeking passion, adventure or excitement; yesterday may not have measured up.

You attention determines what you miss. If you are only looking for the big life changing things…you might miss the small life affirming things.

This can apply to an ordinary day…it can apply to your work…it can apply to your relationship..it can apply to sex.

When it comes to sexual desire, if you are looking for burning loins desire, you might miss a little tickle in your belly. If you are looking for fireworks you might overlook a small spark. If you are only holding out for something big, you might miss a small opportunity (that could growing into something bigger).

Your attention determines what you miss.

If you only focus on your partner’s disappointment, you might miss her love and approval.  If your attention is on your grief, you might not see the joy in your life.  If you are consumed by how hard it is to be single, you might not see that it can also be freeing.

Your attention determines what you miss.

If you notice the small – notice the contentment – notice the little ways your life is lovely – then those things will add up.

If you notice the tickles of desire, the small thoughts about sex, the little flickers of interest or longing – you might not feel like your desire is dead.

Can you breathe in the small moments today? How does that focus shift how you feel about your life right now?

Filed under: Gratitude, Pleasure — admin @ 10:36 am

January 11, 2014

Be Your Own Biggest Fan!

Biggest Fan

My daughter is at the stage where she claps for everything she does. She especially loves the toys where you put shapes into little cutouts and then she gives herself a hearty round of applause when she gets it right. She is tickled with her accomplishments and so am I. I’m curious, when did you stop applauding for yourself?

When did you start looking to others for approval. When did you lose site of your own internal barometer and start asking others if you are a good mom or you are pretty or you did a good job at work? When did you stop trusting yourself? When did you start undervaluing your own opinion?

I’m not saying the feedback of others is meaningless. We certainly can overlook things on our own and having a trusted friend point us in the right direction (or help us see something we might be missing) is fantastic. But when did others’ voices become louder than our own? When did other voices become more important?

Can we find a bit of a balance or harmony? Who cares what strangers think of you? But can you tune in to what your loved ones have to say? If we only care about what others think we have lost sight of who we are. If we don’t care what anyone thinks (even our closest tribe) then we could be acting a bit selfish or narcissistic It is a tricky line. I get it. So how about you start with being your own fan.

Before you ask your partner if your butt looks big in those jeans, ask yourself. Before you ask your friends if you are a good parent, ask yourself. Before you ask your boss if you did a good job, ask yourself. Check in with yourself first. Before you look for approval from others, give it to yourself. Acknowledge the delicious meal you made. Applaud yourself for shoveling the sidewalk. Hell, some days, getting out of bed and finding matching socks and brushing your teeth deserves a standing ovation! Before you turn to others for validation or approval, can you look inward?

Give yourself a hand. Be your own biggest fan!

Filed under: Change, Self-love, Support — admin @ 12:42 pm

January 1, 2014

Someone is looking for you.

someone is looking for you

Filed under: Dating, Faith, Love, Trust — admin @ 5:54 pm