Archive: March, 2014

March 27, 2014

Stop – Breathe – Love

Self love rose

How often are you putting energy into your relationship? Do you have daily rituals or ways you connect regularly? Or do you get caught up in the grind and the chaos of life and miss each other?

There are all sorts of reminders about our relationships – Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, Holidays. Even if life is chaotic and busy, on these days you and your partner often pause and appreciate one another or honor each other. But what about other days?

If you follow my facebook page or twitter account, you know that I post a #RelationshipReminder or #RomanceReminder every couple days. I do this because I know how easy it is to be on autopilot. I know that even though you love your partner, it might take a catalyst to bring that to your forefront. It takes intentionality, it may take a reminder. Not because you are a bad partner, but because there are so many other things vying for your attention.

What about loving yourself?

Even if you feel a foundation of loving and caring for yourself, do you honor yourself regularly? Do you wait for your birthday or a special occasion? Do you wait for a good hair day or after a workout. Do you have to earn your self-love? Do you use self-care as a reward? Is it all something extra?

I want to help you remember that you are lovable. I want to help you stop, breathe and love yourself. It only takes a moment…but with everything else you need to attend to, how easy it is to forget about yourself?

If you want some reminders to love yourself, you can find the #SelfLoveReminders I post on facebook and twitter. You can also create small ways to reminder yourself – write a yourself a letter, post some notes around your home, sign up for a class or even that feeling loving or schedule self-love breaks in your phone.

You can also take my Shower Yourself with Love e-course.

We will spend 4 weeks focusing on self-love. Four weeks where you get to be the priority. Four weeks where I will remind you of your worth and lovability and the importance of taking time for yourself. And if you get distracted or busy or run out of time during the 4 weeks, you will get a PDF at the end of the course and can use the information at any time you are looking for a little self-love. It’s not selfish to love yourself, it’s essential.

Take a moment to stop, breathe and love yourself right now.

Filed under: Love, Self-love — admin @ 1:52 pm

March 23, 2014

Love and Desire

heart coffee

Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel and the unexpected. Love is about having and desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusiveness. It is less concerned with where it can still go. But too often, as couples settle into the comforts of love, they cease to fan the flame of desire. They forget that fire needs air.

Esther Perel from Mating in Captivity

Filed under: Desire, Intimacy, Love — admin @ 12:01 pm

March 19, 2014

Is your sex safe?

safe sex

Part of my life’s work is to help people deepen connection and enhance their sexual experience. I love helping people find ways to make their love-making more personal and more love-filled. I love helping people discover and name what they like. I love helping people turn up the heat and give themselves permission to ask for what they want.

Sex can mean so many different things and it can give so many different things to different people. It can loving, fun, playful, sexy, raunchy, spiritual, relaxing, easy, soft, messy, deep, vulnerable, opening, transformative and more. It can also be boring or fast or uneventful (just like every day can’t be the BEST day of your life, every sexual experience isn’t going to be AMAZING).

I write and talk about sex and making it special. I write about being open and letting go of shame. I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t also write about safe sex.

Safety and Sexy – how do we reconcile those two words. So many people identify sex with freedom and fun and identify safety with limitations and restrictions. How can they coexist?

Are you protecting your body? Are you making sure you are using protection and that you know your partner’s (or partners’) status. Are you getting tested? Are you aware of the different way sexual diseases and infections can be transmitted? Truly aware? (I am surprised by how many adults don’t realize you can pass things even if you don’t have symptoms…you can share STIs through oral sex…condoms aren’t 100% reliable. I don’t want to scare people, I want you to be informed and educated about your choices) Can you have a conversation about sex and health and expectations? Can you advocate for what you want or need?

Safe sex isn’t only about protecting yourself from infection or disease, it’s also means maintaining your boundaries and doing things that feel good to you.

Are you taking care of your heart? Are you connecting with people who treat you well? Or are you feeling your energy being sucked away? Are you doubting your worth because of the way you are treated? Are you doing things for your partner so you don’t rock the boat? Are you avoiding conflict rather than honoring what you want?

It is possible for sex to be sexy and safe. It’s possible for sex to fun and hot and for you to be protected at the same time. It’s important to remember that it’s up to you. You are the person who can/will advocate for what you need. You are in charge of your health and your safety and your sex life.

How will you educate yourself, protect yourself and engage yourself?

Filed under: Relationship, Sexuality — admin @ 1:08 pm

March 13, 2014

Is Self-Love Narcissistic?

  • Are you concerned that if you turn up the volume on your self love you will go “too far” and become conceited or narcissistic?
  • Are you worried that loving yourself will mean you don’t have any more love to give others?
  • Have you been told that loving yourself is selfish or will make you conceited or just isn’t OK?

We often value charity, altruism and giving to others – beautiful and important concepts. However, what happens when you only give to others? What happens when you give to others at the expense of giving to yourself?

Do unto others as you would have them do to you. What about also doing unto yourself as you would do onto others? Or treat yourself as you wish others treated you.

If you think of self-love as being on a continuum and on one side is narcissism and the other is martyrdom…where do you want to be?

self love continuum

So often I talk with people who are closer to the martyr side of that continuum and they worry that if they try to move toward the middle they will overshoot it and end up being selfish. I also talk with people who had a narcissistic parent or a self-obsessed partner and they are so afraid of being like that they then shut off the love, they do the opposite, they deprive themselves and give until they are depleted.

Treating yourself with love doesn’t suck up all of your love energy so you don’t have any for others. Love is not finite. If you talk with parents they will tell you that with their first child they didn’t think they had anymore love to give, their hearts were full and they didn’t know how they would find more love for their next child….but magically it multiplied. You don’t have to take love away from someone else in order to give it to yourself.

There is enough love!

There is more than enough love!

When you love yourself you actually have more love for others.

When you love yourself you can better love others.

Loving yourself won’t make you a narcissist, it will make you a better lover.

Want more information about caring for yourself? Check out – Is self-care selfish?

Ready to turn up the volume on your self-love? Join me for “Shower Yourself with Love” and soak up the love for an entire month!

Filed under: Love, Self-love — admin @ 12:29 pm

March 12, 2014

Shower Your Friend with Love!

Shower-Yourself-with-Love

I am so excited about my upcoming class, “Shower Yourself with Love!” As I’ve been thinking about self-love and turning up the volume on love, I’ve been seeing all of the amazing women around me who could use a little extra love and a reminder of their worth. I’ve been having fun giving away some spots in the class to amazing women. So much fun that I want to let other women do the same thing.

Now through March 16th you can purchase the class for yourself and give a spot in the class to a friend for free! Or if you want to buy the class for yourself and give it anonymously to a deserving woman, you can do that too! Or you can buy the class for two women for the price of one!

We can all use a little love and a reminder of our worth. I want to help you with that and I want to help you help a friend. It’s that simple. Buy the class below and I will email you to find out where you want to send your gift subscription and who you would like to say it’s from.

Buy the class HERE.

Let’s not only shower ourselves with love but start a self-love tidal wave!

Filed under: Class, Friendship, Self-love, Women — admin @ 12:33 pm

March 10, 2014

Giving Up Negativity For Lent!

Inner Critic

Last week my facebook feed was filled with posts about what my friends were giving up for Lent.

  • No more chocolate
  • So long alcohol
  • Goodbye Facebook, see you in 40 days
  • No gluten
  • 40 days off of TV

Many people use this time to let go of something that isn’t serving them, a “bad habit” or a “guilty pleasure.”

I certainly think a break from any of the above things could serve someone. I have taken breaks from different foods or beverages or media or electrotics for different reasons and usually feel energized and refreshed. This year I’m thinking of some less tangible items we can give up.

  • I would love to see people take a break from negative self-talk.
  • I would love to see people give up shame.
  • I would love to see people let go of self-doubt.
  • I would love to see people release critisism.
  • I would love to see people eliminate hate.

And if giving something up doesn’t work for you. Can you add something positive to your life for 40 days? Turn up the volume on self-love. Start a gratitiude practice. Embrace 40 days of kind thoughts, loving actions and positive thinking.

Whether or not you are religious, can you welcome 40 days of less negativity? Give yourself a break from some of the things that don’t serve you!

Filed under: Change, Emotions, Gratitude, Self-love — admin @ 10:46 am

March 7, 2014

Sometimes Being Strong Stinks!

She carries those around her, lifting them onto her shoulders when they are too weary to go on.

He is so strong that no one sees any of his pain, he protects his loved ones so they can feel their feelings and know he will be there as a safe haven.

Strong men, Strong women, Strong mamas and Strong papas – Strong people keep things moving even when they are tired or grieving or overwhelmed or busy.

Strength often feels like a gift because it holds you up even when the world feels like it is crashing down around you! Being strong allows you to move forward when the wind is raging against you and trying to push you off your path. Strength keeps you plugging along, clawing your way through the rubble and debris and wreckage.

Strong people remain alert and unwavering during a crisis, they are the rock which supports others.

Who takes care of the person who takes care of everyone else?

Who takes care of the strong people?

And what happens when you are constantly strong and don’t appear to need any support?

Strength can be such a positive attribute, but when does it get in the way? When is strength a prison?

We ALL need support sometimes. If you aren’t used to receiving it or asking for it, you may suffer alone. You might not know how to ask and those around you will recognize your strength and not realize you need support.

Sometimes our dependance on our strength is rocked by illness or injury (times we can’t be strong) – and if you are used to being the strong one and now need to be cared for, it can feel pretty humiliating.

We have the idea that we can do it all. And we can to some degree. But at what cost? And do you really need to do it all, alone?

Can you value your strength and also receive support? Can you let yourself be comforted or cared for (trusting that this doesn’t make you weak but will rather allow you to continue being strong)? Can you honor your strength and also your vulnerability?

And if you know some strong folks, can you check in on them? It’s easy to think they have it all under control (and they may). Try asking – “How are you?” “How can I support you?” “How have you been feeling?” “Tell me what has been happening in your world.” “What can I bring you?” or “Is there something I can do to make your life easier?”

Strength is such a wonderful attribute and it can also isolating. Reach out and ask for (or offer) some support today!

Filed under: Support, Vulnerability — admin @ 5:50 pm

March 5, 2014

Have You Forgotten Who You Are?

Remember Yourself

Where do you fit in with the rest of your life?

Do you place your energy and time elsewhere?

Are you busy taking care of children or attending to a partner or focusing on family or working yourself to exhaustion?

Even if you do end up with a bit of free time, do you struggle with how to spend it?  Can you really justify lounging on the couch, walking in the sunshine or taking an art class when there are so many “shoulds” to do?

Or when gifted with time, do you even wonder HOW to spend it?  Have you forgotten what you like?  Have you forgotten who you are?

As a mama and a business owner, I know it can be easy to get lost in the shuffle.  You are scheduling things for you child, attending to her needs and scheduling things for your business and making sure it moves along…but what about yourself?

Are you confusing what you “do” with who you “are”? Who are YOU?

If you’ve forgotten who you are, here are some things that may help you remember.

  • Play – For real. Laugh, sing, dance, play.
  • JournalWrite it out. How do you feel? What do you want? What do you like? Who are you?
  • Collage – Create! Thumb through magazines and pull images that speak to you.  Ask yourself who you are as you turn the pages and see what speaks to you.  Put the images on paper and place your collage somewhere you can see it and remember.
  • Connect to your body – What feels good? What excites you? What nurtures you? What replenishes you? Be in your body.
  • Slow down – Breathe, take a bath, take a walk, do some yoga, sit.
  • Ask someone you trust – “How do you see me?” or “I’m feeling really overwhelmed (or tired or depleted) and I’m forgetting who I am. Can you remind me?”

I also like to gather in a sacred circle or with a group of women.  An evening with my closest friends reminds me of who I am.  I also feel very connected to myself and who I am when I’m in Paris (not something I can do all the time, but it helps to know if you have a place that reminds you of who you are).

The things that remind me of who I am are different than things that just make me feel good.  All of the above make me feel good too…but they go deeper than just joy or self-care.

Make your own list. What reminds you of who you are?  How can you stay connected so you don’t forget yourself?  Do you need to reprioritize?

If you need a little support, my  class, “Shower Yourself with Love” will help you remember who you are and turn up the volume on self-love!

Filed under: Creativity, Emotions, Pleasure, Self-love, Support — admin @ 3:10 pm