Archive: July, 2014

July 11, 2014

How Important is Sex?

couple having sex

The majority of my clients come to see me because they want to have more sex or a different kind of sex. Often couples come because one partner wants sex but the other one isn’t as interested.

Things get tricky in a relationship when one person wants something more than they other person. Especially when that “thing” they want is sex. Sometimes one partner will tell me they would be content without ever having sex again. The other person is often pained to hear this and will counter by saying without sex they feel like they are roommates or siblings and that for them sex is the thing that defines a marriage or a romantic relationship.

How important is sex?

I’m sure it’s no surprise that I think sex is important. My work focuses on sex and intimacy. But I don’t think it’s the most important thing in a relationship. I also think the importance depends on the relationship. The importance of sex depends on how much you and your partner value sex.

How important is sex?

It depends.

If a couple say they both don’t care about sex and are content without it, who am I to judge? Some people value exercise, some people value family, some people value time alone, some people value travel, some people value work, some people value hobbies, some people value rest, some people value sex. If sex isn’t important to you or your partner, that is OK.

Are you content in a relationship without sex?

Sometimes avoiding sex isn’t just about a disinterest in sex. Sometimes sex is withheld because of anger or disappointment or to punish a partner. Sometimes sex is avoided because of grief or sadness or pain or trauma. Sometimes sex is avoided because of shame or discomfort or embarrassment Sometimes sex isn’t just about sex. Are there other areas of your relationship to explore or shift?

Sex becomes important when both people value it or when one person wants it more than the other.

Here are some questions to help you explore your relationship with sex –

Do you think sex is important?

What does sex give you?

What does sex mean to you?

How does sex feel?

What make sex different than other things you do?

Why do you do sex?

If you don’t want sex, is there anything that would make it more desirable for you?

(These are great questions to share with your partner. The answers may surprise you)

Sex isn’t one size-fits-all. Sex doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone.

How important is sex to you?

Filed under: Marriage, Relationship, Sexuality — admin @ 1:41 pm