What are you afraid of?

August 1st, 2014 by admin in Change, Strength
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Image by Trey Ratcliff

Image by Trey Ratcliff

Fear has been coming up in my office a lot lately.

  • Fear of rejection.
  • Fear of getting hurt.
  • Fear of feeling exposed.
  • Fear of disappointment.
  • Fear of an unwanted response.
  • Fear of getting in trouble.
  • Fear of making the wrong choice.
  • Fear of looking foolish.

Fear of something bad happening or feeling some kind of pain.

Often when we feel fear we try to ignore it or talk ourselves out of it. We tell ourselves the fear is “irrational” or “unreasonable.” We shame ourselves for being weak or scared. We power through. We fight our fear.

Or we give the fear a ton of power and avoid doing the thing on the other side of the fear. The thought of the pain or consequences are too intense so we give up the dream or desire for the other thing. We tell ourselves that thing isn’t worth it or it’s not important.

I know fear isn’t pleasant.

I know fear can feel powerful.

I also know that just because I’m afraid doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do something.

I often feel fear before doing something that ends up being highly important. I was afraid to take a toddler to Paris. There were a bunch of things that could have gone wrote. There were many things I felt afraid of. And I also knew that if I didn’t do it I would regret it. I reminded myself that just because I’m afraid doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. I took a step back from my fear, I examined it, I got curious about it. And in the end I went anyway…and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I learned so much about my strength…things I never would have learned if I let my fear talk me out of it.

You don’t need to ignore your fear or talk yourself out of it. You also don’t need to be held prisoner by your fear. Here are some ways you can get curious about your fear and decide if you want to proceed with your desire.

  • Ask yourself what you are most afraid of – For example perhaps you are afraid of dating because you don’t want to fall in love and get hurt if the relationship doesn’t work out.
  • And what happens if that happens? – It will feel painful. I will be sad. I will feel rejected.
  • And then what? – I will get jaded. I will shut down. I will be alone.
  • And what happens if you don’t do the thing you are afraid of? – If I don’t date, I will still be alone. (And you will have missed out on the joy you felt when the relationship was working).

Can you see that by not doing the thing you are afraid of, you may end up in the same place you fear?????

If you are afraid of initiating sex with your partner because you will feel rejected and therefore avoid initiating sex…you still end up in a situation where you aren’t having sex and you feel alone and undesirable.

If you are afraid of traveling because some bad thing might happen…that bad thing can still happen at home.

If you are afraid of taking a risk because you will feel foolish, you may protect yourself from feeling foolish…but you also protect yourself from the reward that can come with that risk.

What are you afraid of?

And what’s the worst thing that can happen if you acknowledge your fear and then do it anyway?

One Response to “What are you afraid of?”

  1. wayne Says: