Archive: December, 2014

December 25, 2014

If you are struggling this Christmas…

christmas peace

My heart is warm after a morning and afternoon with my family. There were gifts and food and laughter (and a few tears from some overstimulated kiddos). There was the annual picture with my 4 siblings and my mom. There were attempts at getting all 6 grandkids to pose for a picture. There was merry-making and gratitude.

I know the holidays aren’t always this lovely or this easy. I know a lot of people who’ve lost loved ones this year (and many during the holiday season). I have friends who lost a parent or grandparent. I heard of a high school classmate who died recently and is survived by young children. It’s heart breaking. There is never an easy time to lose someone you love, but when it happens on or around a holiday or special occasion, it’s can feel extra hard.

Relationships may have ended. Money may be more than tight. You might be sick or sad or both. Sometimes the holidays stink. And all around you, everyone else appears to be singing carols, wearing ugly sweaters and posting pictures of the million dollar gifts their gorgeous partner gave them. It’s hard. And I’m sorry. I also know I can’t make it better.

I’ve had a couple hard holidays too. This year it was easy to laugh and smile when we took our family photo. Last year we smiled but were so aware that there was a key person missing. And the year before I celebrated my baby’s first Christmas but if you look closely at our family photo you will see tears in my eyes because I knew it would be my dad’s last Christmas and our last last family picture with him.

It’s hard and it gets easier.

It’s sad…and wonderful…and brutal…and lovely.

If you are struggling this holiday, I hope you know you aren’t alone. I hope you know that other people have been where you are (or are where you are). I hope you find some support and comfort and relief. I hope you let yourself feel your feelings and then I hope they pass. I also hope you find a little bit of light in all the darkness. I hope you find some peace and some ease and eventually some joy.

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 4:01 pm

December 23, 2014

Give Your Partner Your Presence

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Are you looking for the perfect present for your partner this holiday?

Give your partner your presence.

Give your partner your attention. Show up fully. Listen. Engage. Be supportive.

How do you feel connected in your relationship?

How do you know your partner is present or listening? How do you let your partner know you are listening?

It’s easy to get stressed out searching for the perfect gift. It’s easy to feel distracted by endless tasks and to do lists. It’s easy to coast through the holidays on autopilot. What about slowing down and connecting with your partner? What about giving the gift of your presence?

Here are some ways you can give your partner (or any loved one) your presence -

  • Put down your phone, turn off the tv or look away from your computer when he is talking.
  • Create a ritual together.
  • Give an experience – a trip, date, adventure.
  • Touch your partner with intention – instead of an absent-minded massage or lackluster foreplay, touch your partner with love and active awareness.
  • When talking, listen to your partner and validate her experience. John Gottman, suggests telling your partner what you heard her say and then adding, β€œIt makes sense you feel that way because ______________.”

Here are some other resources for this holiday season -

Be Gentle With Yourself This Holiday Season

Focus on your relationship this holiday season

Shower Your Partner with Love is a 3 week self-study e-course that will help you focus on your relationship and give your partner your presence.

Filed under: Communication, Holidays, Relationship — admin @ 11:28 am