Archive: June, 2015

June 25, 2015

If sex is natural, why is it so complicated?

uninterested in sex

Sex is natural.

It should be spontaneous.

Sex should be easy.

You should want it.

I hear the above messages in my office and in the world, over and over and over again. We have so many ideas about how sex SHOULD look, that when it strays from that, it feels bad.

If sex is easy and natural, why are so many people struggling with it?

Sex is natural in the sense that animals have sex and it’s a function of our bodies…but it’s more nuanced than that. Talking is natural. Walking is natural. And we still have to learn to do those things. Making sounds might be natural, but stringing those sounds into words that communicate meaning, that takes practice. Sex and connecting in a way that brings mutual pleasure or expresses love or passion, also takes practice. It takes energy. It requires attention and intention. It is nuanced.

Even deciding what counts as sex can be nuanced. Your definition of sex might be different than your partners. If sex was totally natural, wouldn’t everybody do it the same way? (just in case you are wondering, there are plenty of ways to have sex. People have all sorts of personal ideas about what counts as sex).

Two different people coming together with all of their own expectations and histories and ideas about sex might need a bit of negotiation to reach each other. Simply touching genitals or putting an organ into an orifice might not be complicated, but those things might not bring pleasure. What about tempo? Pressure of touch? Foreplay? Arousal? Eye gazing? Coaxing and teasing and encouraging each other to the point of ecstasy?

One of the things that makes sex even trickier is that we get so many messages that sex is easy and people are just walking around bursting with desire. We see it on magazine covers and we watch it unfold on our screens. We see couples spontaneously kissing and tearing clothes off and jumping into bed and then exploding with mutual orgasms without any foreplay (not to mention using lubricant or putting on a condom or struggling with erectile disfunction or difficulties with orgasm). We see sex depicted in a way that is easy and constantly accessible and natural. So if it doesn’t feel that way for you, the message you receive is that there is something wrong with you.

Sex is lovely and beautiful and can be filled with ease. And sometimes it’s messy and frustrating and hard to prioritize. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means there might be room for you to explore your own pleasure. You might need to work on asking for what you want or add more sexual tools to your tool box.

Instead of telling yourself or your parter that you SHOULD want sex, try asking –

What would make you want sex? What do you like about sex? What would make sex appealing to you? What gives you pleasure? What would make sex easier for you? How can I make our sex a more exciting or pleasurable or loving experience for you?

Instead of looking outside for what makes sex good or normal or hot, look inside. And then share that with your partner.

Sex doesn’t have to be difficult, but it does require communication.

Filed under: Communication,Desire,Relationship,Sexual Being,Sexuality,Shame — admin @ 5:52 am

June 18, 2015

50% off all PDFs – Save The Date!

Save the Date – From Friday, June 26th at 5pm EST – Monday, June 29th at 12pm EST you can purchase any of my Self-Study PDF’s for 50% off!

We are nearing the halfway mark of 2015. In the beginning of the year it’s easy to have momentum and excitement about change and focusing on yourself. I want to make it easy for you to honor your commitment to yourself and your relationship – now is a great time to honor your relationshiprelease shame, discover your sexual desire, connect with your body or focus on self-love.

blossom risk

I love helping women create a deeper connection with themselves and with their partners. These classes are a wonderful way to explore intimacy and cultivate pleasure.  Visit my class page June 26th – June 29th and purchase any of my e-courses for 50% off!

June 12, 2015

Let’s Go To Paris!

I am so excited about a very special retreat I’m planning for 2016!

Subscribe to my newsletter so you will be the first to know all of the details when registration opens.

Filed under: Paris,Pleasure,Retreat,Sensuality,Video,Women — admin @ 4:48 pm