Archive: arousal

June 12, 2017

Does your partner know what you want?

relationship romance

Have you told your partner how you like to be seduced?

Have you shared what makes your body sing and your lips part and your back arch?

Do you ask for what you want (in and out of the bedroom)?

I hope so.

And if not, what gets in the way?

Many of the people I talk with share that they shouldn’t have to tell their partner what they want. They say it takes the romance or excitement out of it to have to say it out loud. Or they say it makes it less special if they have to ask for it.

In some ways, I think that we’ve been condition to think that. We see it in movies or read about it in books. We dream of someone who will know our body better than we even know it.

So if our partner doesn’t know how we like to be kissed or what kind of foreplay we like or how to help us have an orgasm…we get annoyed. Or we get critical. Or we shut down. We blame them for not being skilled enough or intuitive enough.

And really it’s not fair.

If I asked you to make my favorite cake but refused to tell you what kind of a cake it was or how to make it, would that be fair?

Your partner can’t read your mind.

If there is something you would like, ask for it. There is no shame in asking.

And if you don’t know what you like or what you want, take some time and let yourself be curious. Explore on your own or with your partner.

(I  also know that some people have asked for what they want and aren’t getting it. Perhaps your partner needs some sex education. Or maybe your partner needs to work on listening or remembering what you like. It’s frustrating when you have been clear about what you want and you aren’t getting it. Check in with yourself about this. Does your partner not know what you want because they aren’t paying attention? Or is it because you haven’t asked for it?)


January 19, 2017

Awaken the Want

Turned On FINAL sans dates - lorez

Awaken the Want
and evening of exploration and storytelling
with Isabel Abbott and Julie Jeske

an evening of heeding the hunger and permission to want
and of finding the words to speak of all the things we are told to keep quiet.
of entering into the wide range of experiences in the geography of desire and arousal,
wanting and consent, giving and receiving.

There will be time to ask and enter into your questions,
reflect on your own embodied experiences and the languages of desire.
We will be listening to the space where the body and voice connect,
and what it feels like to locate our own self in our sexuality and experiences,
We will eat delicious food and sit in a safe space and begin to tell our stories.

And we would oh so love to have you there.
Thursday, May 4th
6-9pm

Portland, OR

Registration is closed – subscribe here if you want to be informed of future events.


December 27, 2015

What Turns You On?

aroused

What turns you on?

What excites you?

What warms your body? What makes your breath change and your chest flush?

What arouses you?

We put a lot of attention on desire. I hear from many people who are experiencing low desire. People talk about wanting to feel more desire or experience desire in a different way. What about arousal?

It’s easy to focus on desire and just stop there. I don’t feel the desire to have sex so I’m going to stop thinking about sex. I’m just going to write it off.

Here’s the thing -

If you know what turns you on, you will have a greater desire for sex.

If you know what excites you, you will be more interested in sex.

If you know what arouses you, sex is more appealing.

So what turns you on?

If you aren’t sure, focus on sensuality. What excites your senses? What do you like to see, hear, smell, taste or touch?

Pleasure is also a pathway to arousal. What feels good? What makes your breath deepen or your pulse quicken? What entices you to roll your hips or arch your back? How do you want to be kissed, licked, caressed or held?

If you aren’t sure, spend some time getting to know your body. Or focus on foreplay with a partner, what warms you up and invites you to say, “Yes!”

And know that what turns you on can change. So be curious. Explore. Stay connected to your body, your pleasure and your arousal.

You can also cultivate arousal out of the bedroom. What excites you about life? What turns you on? My post - Turned On Living my interest you.

Filed under: Desire, Intimacy, Pleasure, Relationship, Seduction, Sexual Being, Sexuality, arousal — admin @ 9:16 am

November 7, 2015

Foreplay or Boreplay?

Marriage kissing softly in bed

I hear from a surprising number of people who find foreplay boring. Sometimes they tell me it’s too predictable. Sometimes they tell me they don’t like the way their partner touches them. Sometimes they tell me they are simply going through the motions to get to the part of sex they really enjoy.

I’ve been doing this work long enough to know that there are some people who truly don’t like foreplay. And if that is the case for you, no judgement. That’s your preference.

Most of the time I’m working with people who don’t know what their capacity for foreplay is.

They are bored with it because they are checked out during it.

They aren’t sure what the point of foreplay is.

They feel insecure about who they are as a lover.

They feel lost.

They don’t like how their partner is touching them and they don’t know how to ask for something else.

They doubt what they want or like because their partner has told them “everyone else I’ve been with loves this” or “every other woman likes to be touched like this.”

They say they have lost that “passion” that drove them when they first starting making love with their partner.

Or they feel like they aren’t “doing it right.”

Occasionally I hear from people who feel too exposed or vulnerable during foreplay. They feel selfish or uncomfortable when their partner focuses on them.

Here are a few things to help bring energy and enjoyment into your foreplay.

Curiosity – Foreplay doesn’t have to be rehearsed or “perfect.” Let yourself be curious. Ask your partner how something feels. Experiment. Play. People are often afraid of looking foolish during sex or trying something new because it feels too risky. If you don’t try something new, you risk getting bored or going through the motions. Try a different kind of touch, a different pressure, a different texture. Focus on a different body part. Practice a different kind of kiss. And as you try something new, follow your partner’s response (notice her body, her breath, any sounds she makes).

Sensuality – Lead with your senses. What are you seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, hearing? More than that, titillate you senses. What would your senses enjoy? What do you want to taste? Can you hear your partner’s breath or heartbeat. What do you want to feel with your fingertips and how does your body yearned to be touched? Open your eyes, what do you see?

Pleasure – Embrace pleasure. What would feel good? What would you enjoy? Perhaps it’s less about touch right now and more about hearing your partner’s voice whispering something in your ear. If you aren’t sure what will feel good, then let yourself be curious. Try something new and then really check in with yourself. Did I like that? What might I enjoy more? Connect with your pleasure outside of sex so that it’s easier to cultivate pleasure in the bedroom. What feels good? What satisfies you? Or practice touch and pleasure on your own and then share what you like with your partner.

Just like sex isn’t one size fits all – Foreplay is highly unique. It’s up to your to tune into your body and your pleasure. It’s up to you to get clear about what feels good. It’s up to you to know what turns you on! Your pleasure is yours. Give yourself permission to take the time and energy to make it really enjoyable!

Filed under: Communication, Intimacy, Pleasure, Receiving, Sensuality, Sexuality, arousal — admin @ 2:58 pm

July 26, 2015

Turned on : awaken your want and dare to desire – Purchase the PDF

Turned On FINAL sans dates - lorez

TURNED ON: awaken your want and dare to desire

A course devoted to pleasure and creation, intimacy with ourselves and connection with the world.

Because it is all connected, and some part of us knows this, always.

Because it just may be possible that what you seek is also seeking you.

Because you’ve been asleep, or you set aside those parts of you that were hungry for experience and expression, and now everything inside you is restless to wake up and be turned on to life, the ecstatic and the voluptuous and the clarity in moments when it is just you and the morning and the quiet and you know the names that live just beneath your skin.

Because you want to know what it would look like and feel like for your sensuality to belong to your spirituality instead of severed into two separate selves.

Because asking, just taking the risk and asking for what we want, is not something we are taught how to do, and it might feel really good to have a place to practice and play with what it feels like on the tongue and in your heart and the sound of your own voice coming out clear while you are celebrated for daring to desire.

Because the answer just might be yes.

Because intimacy is about a way of being in relationship with life herself, turned on to the vibrations of creativity, erotic and messy and glorious.

Because it feels like this moment may be your moment, the one where there is no more waiting,

and you begin.

Let’s ignite the spark, heed the hunger and dive into desire.

Let’s practice and play together.

Two weeks of immersion into beauty and substance,

provocations of imagination

and real life ways to explore your own awakening,

diving into the uncharted territories of our own true want.


TURNED ON:

awaken the want and dare to desire

You can now purchase the 41-page PDF of this class and do it at your own pace!

The cost of the PDF is $42 and includes all of the original written content, audio and videos.

Add to Cart

Co-creating and co-facilitating with Isabel was a dream! We had such a rich and wonderful time. The feedback we’ve received about this class has been incredible!

I can’t wait to see what happens when you tap into your desire and live a more turned on life!

Filed under: Class, Desire, Intimacy, Pleasure, Sexuality, arousal — admin @ 10:22 am