Archive: Boundaries

January 13, 2017

What do you want this year?

2017 desires

I was recently taking an inventory of 2016.

The year was tough for so many of us.

It was easy for me to see the things that were painful.

I was sick a lot. My dogs’ were at the vet a lot…A LOT. I didn’t hit some of my goals (business or personal).

More than that, there was a ton of collective pain, loss, heartbreak, injustice and tragedy.

What a bummer.

So I tried a little harder.

Instead of just listing what happened or what I did, I also asked myself –

What did I learn?

When did I feel loved?

What moved me?

How did I grow?

What will I take with me?

What do I want to leave behind?

and then I thought about 2017. I looked at the year ahead of me and asked, What do I want to say about 2o17?

At the end of 2017 what do I want to write down?

How do I want to feel this year?

What do I want to do? Big things and small things.

What will make me feel like it was a good year?

What are my goals?

What adventures do I want to have?

How do I want to spend my time?

What will feel good?

And that will be my beacon this year.

I’m not making resolutions. I am setting goals and exploring desire. I am toying with a word of the year but I’m still trying it on.

This year I’m looking at a bigger picture of what I want my life to look and feel like. And then I’m committing to do what I can to create that picture.

If resolutions work for you great! If you don’t keep your resolutions past January 15th, that’s OK too. As you think about this coming year, ask yourself – What do I want this year? And what will I do to make it happen?

And then get support to make it happen. Read a book, join a group, find a buddy, take a class, put it on your calendar. If your wishes for 2017 include pleasure, love, intimacy, desire or sensuality – check out my classes. They may be the support you are looking for. AND they are all 41% off! Use code happy41 at checkout.

Filed under: Boundaries,Desire,Gratitude,Holidays,Ritual — admin @ 9:20 pm

May 7, 2014

Boundaries – Protection or Punishment?

Love Locks

What comes up for you when you read the word “boundaries?”

Do you envision something healthy?  An unachievable ideal? A huge iron wall keeping people out?  Or a fence that protects you?

How does a healthy boundary feel?

I often see people who have very open boundaries or “no boundaries” or people who have very rigid or closed boundaries. When your boundaries are minimal it’s easy to take on other people’s energy or feelings. It’s very hard to say no or speak up about what you want or need.  Without some boundaries it’s easy to get lost.  If your boundaries are super rigid, it’s hard to be in relationship with another person…it’s hard to get close to someone or truly let yourself be seen.

Imagine a young child.  It’s important to have some boundaries to keep a child safe. You don’t want her to run into the street or eat something harmful or do something dangerous.  You want her safe.  At the same time if you over-protect her, she doesn’t get to experience anything.  She may grow up fearful or anxious.  You won’t take risks.  She will continue to be dependent.  She may feel isolated.

So we look for something in the middle.  We look for boundaries that protect us, but also don’t shut others out. This can be hard if you’ve been hurt…it’s so easy to want to shut everyone out.  It’s easy to say it’s to protect our hearts, to keep use safe.

But our hearts want to love and connect and grow.

Are you setting boundaries to protect yourself or are you setting them out of fear?

Are you setting boundaries to punish someone?

If’ you’ve been hurt are you withdrawing or isolating to cause someone else pain?

I love what my friend Pixie says about boundaries.

She is offering a 2 week e-course about boundaries. It starts May 19th and she’s given me a spot to giveaway!  Are you ready to explore your boundaries and get clear about setting and maintaining healthy boundaries? Leave a comment below or the post on my Facebook page and I will enter you into the drawing.  How do you struggle with boundaries?  What do you want to shift? I’m picking a a name on the 12th!

Filed under: Boundaries,Class,Relationship — admin @ 9:06 pm