Archive: Desire

October 27, 2011

Be explicit about your desire!

So often I talk with people who want more foreplay, want their partner to be more dominant or want to feel desired by their partner.

While all of these are certainly worthy wishes, they are abstract and might be hard for a partner to do without more information.

When you want something from your partner (in the bedroom or out of the bedroom) be explicit. The more specific you are about your desires, the easier it will be for your partner to meet them.

If you are asking for more foreplay, make sure you paint a picture of what you want.  Do you want more kissing?  Do you want oral sex?  Maybe want you really want is verbal affirmations or flirting.

If you want your partner to be dominant, tell him what dominance looks like.  Do you want him to grab you from behind?  Do you want him to tell you what to do?  Do you want him to tie you up or spank you?

If you want to feel desired, you need to share what will make you feel desired.  Is it a look?  A touch?  Certain words?

If you want your partner to talk dirty, what kind of words do you want him to use?

If you want your partner to be more loving, what will make you feel loved?

The only way to get exactly what you want is to share exactly what it looks like. Do your partner a favor and be explicit about your desire.  Do yourself a favor and be explicit about your desires!

Want more help getting what you want in the bedroom?  Read Get the sex you want!

Filed under: Communication, Desire, Relationship, Sexuality — admin @ 4:44 pm

March 10, 2011

Getting Sex On Your Radar

You may have heard the myth that most men think about sex every 7 seconds and while research can’t back that number up, men typically think about sex more than women do.  And if you add kids or a career or household work into the mix, you might not think about it at all.  Here are 3 ways to move sex to the top of your priority list!

  • Do small things that make you feel sexy every day!

Let me emphasize SMALL!  Wear underwear that makes you feel sexy (don’t just save your pretty panties for special occasions, wear them for no reason at all!)

Get a bikini wax or shave your legs (do those things you might only do when you are going to have sex).

Do your Kegel exercises!  They are a great way to be connected to your sexuality.  If you don’t know how to do them, check this out. Kegels can get sex on the brain in a couple of ways.  ONE – you are increasing your PC muscles and that can impact how sex feels and the strength of your orgasm.  TWO – if you are doing an exercise that focus on your vaginal muscles, you are going to think about your vagina and that might help you think about sex!

Listen to erotica (you can even listen to it on the treadmill or on your way home from work)

Take a dance class with your partner

Take a luxurious bath or get a sensual massage

Take a shower with your partner (this isn’t about having sex in the shower…it’s just a shower…but you will be naked and in close quarters and that might put sex on your brain)

Think of small things you can do easily.

  • Make a Sex Date

I hear so often from people that scheduling sex takes the fun out of it.  But here’s the thing…if you aren’t having sex at all, that takes the fun out of it too!  The other thing I would recommend is thinking about how things were when you were dating.  When you would get ready to spend the night over or prepare for a date, there were probably times you knew you were going to have sex, right?  That’s similar to a sex date.  And instead of having it be a practical thing that takes the fun out sex, can it be something that builds up anticipation?  A few days before your sex date you can flirt and tease and build excitement.

  • Make sure you are getting the kind of sex you want

If you are just having sex to please your partner and you aren’t getting any of your needs met than of course sex won’t be on your radar!  You have to take the time to figure out what excites you, what you are yearning for, what you might like and then you need to share that with your partner.  You need to ask for it.  Your partner can’t read your mind.  If you are hoping that one day he will just figure it out, you might not ever get the kind of sex you are dreaming of.

Filed under: Desire, Intimacy, Sexuality — admin @ 6:58 am

January 28, 2011

Women’s Sexuality Workshops

I am offering new monthly workshops for women.  The first workshop will focus on desire and is scheduled for Thursday, February 24th from 7-9pm.

If your desire is lacking, you want to learn about ways to increase your desire or you want become comfortable talking about sex and desire – this workshop is for you!  I will be offering information about desire and there will be room for group members to share their experience as well.

Please let me know by February 10th if you plan to attend the workshop because I will be sending out some questions to the members pre-workshop so that I can best tailor the workshop to the participants.  The workshop is limited to 6 participants, so make sure you reserve your space early.  The cost is $25.

March’s workshop topic is Orgasm and I will let you know the date very soon.

Filed under: Desire — admin @ 6:20 pm

August 11, 2010

Are you waiting for desire????

My July Newsletter is about desire vs. willingness.  If you are waiting for your desire to kick in, you will want to check it out.

This month’s newsletter highlights Five Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life.  If you are interested in this information and would like to receive it directly in your inbox, then you will want to sign up for my newsletter today!

Filed under: Desire, Intimacy, Newsletter, Relationship — admin @ 4:14 am