Archive: Intimacy

October 20, 2011

Don’t Blame the Lettuce

Healthy relationship lettuce

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you
don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not
doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or
less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have
problems with our friends or family, we blame the other
person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will
grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive
effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason
and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no
reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you
understand, and you show that you understand, you can
love, and the situation will change”

― Thich Nhat Hanh

Filed under: Communication, Intimacy, Relationship — admin @ 10:42 am

October 11, 2011

What the F is Foreplay

I often hear from women that they want more foreplay. Foreplay can be a wonderful way to make sure you are both warmed up and ready to connect fully sexually. So what is it?

Foreplay happens after seduction and before the main event. If intercourse is the main event for you, oral sex might be foreplay. If oral sex is the main event, then foreplay might be a sensual massage that moves into heavy petting. Foreplay is more than just leaning over and giving your partner a squeeze. The most enjoyable foreplay wakes your partner’s body up and then turns your partner’s body on.

Foreplay (like seduction) can before very personal. One common theme is that it’s most exciting when someone takes his or her time with foreplay. A slow build up can be very tantalizing.

Step 1 – Find out your partner’s favorite kind of foreplay (the easiest way to do that is to ask).

Step 2 – Take your time with it!

Step 3 – Enjoy yourself!

Filed under: Intimacy, Pleasure, Relationship, Sexuality, Video — admin @ 8:21 am

September 12, 2011

Increasing Intimacy With Yourself!

Intimate Embrace

One of the definitions I found for intimacy included – “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship…”

Do you have that kind of a relationship with yourself?  Do you truly know yourself?  Do you feel affection for yourself?

Here are a few ways to increase your personal intimacy.

  • Share your thoughts and desires – You can do this by writing or drawing or creating a collage.  What do you really love?  What do you want?  What gets you fired up?
  • Stop doing everything for others and focus on yourself – What do you want, right now?
  • Know yourself – What do you like to eat?  How do you like to be touched? What’s your favorite scent?  Sometimes we like things that others like because it’s easier…what do YOU like?
  • Write yourself a love note - Treat yourself with loving kindness.  Write down the things you love and appreciate about yourself.
  • Spend a little time alone - What happens when you have alone time?  You get to know yourself better!  You can’t hide behind other people’s desires or problems.  You can’t distract yourself as easily.  When you are alone, you can truly focus on yourself and connect with yourself.
  • Embrace yourself – Embrace ALL of you.  That means embracing your favorite parts and the parts that are hard to own, as well.  It means truly knowing yourself.  It can also mean giving yourself a hug (self-touch is a form of intimacy too!)

Intimacy isn’t about pretending you are something else (cooler, funnier, sexier, etc.).  To be intimate with yourself, you have to KNOW yourself.  In order to know yourself, look within.  To be intimate with another person you have to be willing to be seen.  As you become more intimate with yourself, your intimacy with others will deepen as well!

Filed under: Intimacy, Self-love — admin @ 4:36 pm

September 10, 2011

The I in Intimacy

In order to be more intimate with others…look at creating intimacy with yourself.

Tomorrow I will post some ways you can increase intimacy.

Filed under: Intimacy, Video — admin @ 5:42 pm

September 2, 2011

Talking about sex IS sexual intimacy

You don’t have to have sex in order to feel sexually connected to your partner.  Talking about sex can be a form of sexual intimacy.  It can also help you feel more comfortable with and connected to your partner.  And talking about the kind of sex you want will make it more likely to have that kind of sex!

If you aren’t sure about where to start, here are a couple questions to get you talking.

  • What part of your body would you like me to kiss more?
  • What do you think about talking dirty?  Would you like me to do it?  Are there certain words you find sexy?
  • Are there any movies or sex scenes in movies that you find sexy?
  • What kinds of things set the mood for you sexually? – music, candles, wine, a bath, anything else?
  • What would make you more excited about having sex?
  • What kind of role-play do you find intriguing?
  • What’s your favorite way to be touched?
  • Is there something new you would like to try?

These questions are just to get you started.  You can come up with your own to keep the conversation going.  You can talk about sex as you think of it, or you can set a weekly sex talk date.  Talking about sex once a week for 30 minutes will help you feel more sexually intimate.  Of course, talking won’t take the place of great sex…it is a great form of foreplay though!

If you need a little help talking dirty, read about finding your voice in the bedroom.

Looking for a little nonsexual intimacy in your relationship?  Learn to connect daily with your partner.

Filed under: Intimacy, Sexuality — admin @ 10:06 am

July 15, 2011

Reach Out and Touch Your Partner

hands web

You’ve probably heard about the importance of touch.  Plenty of research and studies have been conducted and experts agree that touch is essential.

What role does touch play in your relationship?  I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about physical intimacy.  Do you hold hands?  Do you snuggle on the couch?  Do you kiss?

Giving and receiving touch is an important part of a relationship.  If you are in a relationship, reach out and touch your partner.  Don’t wait for him or her to make the first move.  Touch your partner the way you want to be touched.  Place a hand on your mate’s knee when you a driving, lightly touch his or her face when talking, offer to give your lover a massage (or ask if he or she will give you a massage).

If you are single touch is still essential.  You can hug a friend or family member, cuddle with a pet, get a massage or touch yourself.  Touch is an important part of life.  Reach out and touch your partner (or yourself) today!

Filed under: Intimacy, Relationship, Self-care — admin @ 8:56 am

July 13, 2011

Have a Sensual Picnic

Here are a few simple ways to turn up the heat on your summer picnic!

Find a location – You don’t have to leave your house to have a sensual picnic.  Make sure you choose a space that is private and allows you to feel comfortable expressing yourself.  You’ll want a location that has minimal distractions.

Gather supplies – This is a sensual picnic so find ways to titillate your senses!  Choose a blanket that feels good to the touch.  Play with lighting and sound.  Choose clothing that delights your senses (you can go nude if you like, if you would prefer clothes find something that is comfortable and is also pleasing to touch).

Choose your food – It wouldn’t be a picnic without food right?  Choose foods that inspire your senses (visually beautiful, vibrant smells, sweet or salty or bitter tastes, rich in texture, things that make an interesting sound when you bite into them).

Then put it all together!

Create your ideal environment, clear you schedule and get ready to connect with your partner!

You may want to set a few boundaries before you get started.  Will you be feeding each other?  You may want to experiment with a blindfold and have your partner feed you…notice the way your other senses heighten when you don’t rely on your sight.  Do you want to experiment with touch during your picnic?  Do you want the picnic to lead to something sexual?  It’s OK to have the picnic be the main event.  If you haven’t connected sexually with your partner in a while a sensual picnic can be a nice way to break the ice and help you explore physical intimacy (without having sex).  If you decide you want the picnic to be foreplay and you want to connect sexually as dessert, that is great too!  Just make sure you are on the same page.

Be creative and let your senses lead the way!

Filed under: Intimacy, Pleasure, Romance, Sensuality, Sexuality — admin @ 6:02 pm

July 7, 2011

Will You Let Yourself Be Seen?

tomb web

Will you let yourself be seen?

in the world?

by your partner?

It is wonderful to love another person, yet

True intimacy is letting someone else see All of you.

The good, the bad, even the ugly.  The brave, the scared and the silly.  The vulnerable, the stubborn, the giddy.

The sad, the happy and the luscious.  The sexy, the frigid and the heart-broken.

What are you hiding?

Will you let yourself be seen as you truly are?

Filed under: Intimacy, Self-love — admin @ 11:08 am

June 30, 2011

Have Vacation Sex Without Leaving Your Home!

beach web

When I ask couples about their last great sexual experience they often say it was on vacation.  There is something about vacation that allows people to open up and let loose.  Gone are the To Do lists, the piles of responsibilities, the routines, the structure.  On vacation people don’t worry about being too loud, too tired or making a mess.  Being on vacation, gives us freedom to be different.

What if you can’t go on an impromptu vacation to improve your sex life?

Here are a few things you can do to have vacation-like sex at HOME!

Set a vacation scene or mood

Do whatever you need to do to your space to make it welcoming and ready for sex!  Get rid of distractions or possible interruptions.  Incorporate scents, colors, certain food or drinks or any other elements that will relax or entice you.  Take the time and make your space exciting!

Get in a vacation mind-set

How are YOU different on vacation?  Are you softer, more easy-going?  Are you more open to connecting and being sexual?  How can you bring those elements into your love-making at home?  What can YOU do to influence your sexual experience at home?

Press the pause button on regular life

Don’t pencil-in sex if  you can’t take your time.  That’s the thing about vacation, we have all the time in the world.  Don’t have sex when you need to be somewhere in 20 minutes.  Don’t try to have vacation-like sex while you are making your grocery list or balancing your checkbook. Set aside enough time so you can slow down, relish your partner and enjoy your time together.

You don’t have to spend a lot of money (or even have to leave your home) to have great sex.  Allow yourself the luxury of time, an enticing space and an open mind and you can go to paradise without leaving your home!

Filed under: Intimacy, Sexuality — admin @ 9:00 am

June 28, 2011

Connecting daily with your partner can go a long way!

Tree heart web

It’s easy to make time for your partner when you have a whole weekend, but what about daily connection?  When you’ve been working or corralling the kids or buried by housework; taking 15 minutes with your mate can feel like a luxury.  Those 15 minutes can go a long way!  Daily connection helps you feel loved, it helps you and your partner create shared expectations and it can diminish feelings of resentment or loneliness.

Get in the habit of checking in each day.  You can use the time when you both meet up at the end of the day (after one or both of you get home from work), use 15 minutes right before bed or first thing in the morning.

Here are some ways you can use your time together –

  • Check in about your day
  • Share your feelings about each other
  • Practice gratitude
  • Go over a few logistics (who is picking the kids up tomorrow or what needs to be purchased at the store) – don’t let your whole 15 minutes be about to do lists, make sure you have time to enjoy each other
  • Connect physically – hug, kiss, hold hands, cuddle
  • Ask for any support you might need
  • Talk about future dates or vacations
  • Say, “I love you.”
  • Have a daily ritual you do together

Connecting daily makes it easy to talk about the good things and also the hard things.  If you are feeling hurt or disappointed, you might have to wait a while to share that information if you aren’t in the habit of daily connection.  Do yourself and your relationship a favor and “connecting with my partner” to your daily schedule!

Filed under: Gratitude, Intimacy, Relationship, Ritual — admin @ 12:09 pm

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