Archive: Love

July 19, 2018

How do you want to be wooed?

romance and love

What are the things that make you feel special in a relationship?

What feels romantic?

Or flirty?

Or fun?

Or loving?

Are there things your partner used to do to make you feel loved or desired? Are there things you wish your partner would do?

People often put time and energy into wooing and romancing a potential mate as a way to get into a relationship…but then once the relationship is secured they put less energy in.

That is often when we most need that kind of attention. That is when we are dealing with the mundanity of life. We may be overwhelmed with work, kids, bills, heath concerns…that is when romance can help lift us up, remind us that we are loved and desired.

How do you know that your partner is into you or thinking about you?

Do you like -

love letters

a flirty text

a thoughtful gift

a romantic date

to be greeted with a kiss

a special look or touch

a night away

making a meal together

dancing in the living room

going out to an event together

having your partner share a song that reminds them of you

being surprised with a sexy encounter

hearing about how much you mean to them

What makes you feel loved and special? And how do you let your partner know they are loved and special too?

Just because you’ve been together “forever” doesn’t mean there isn’t room for romance or flirtation. After you’ve been together for a while that kind of energy may not always come without a little thought or effort though. That’s OK. It doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care about you (or you don’t care about them). Life is often complex and full. Create some time and space to communicate about what you both would love and then commit to wooing each other.


Filed under: Dating, Intimacy, Love, Relationship, Romance — admin @ 8:41 am

January 19, 2018

Be Your Own Beloved: a gathering for women

be your own beloved

Nikki Weaver and I are thrilled to offer – Be Your Own Beloved!

Together we’ll explore what it means to love, honor and cherish ourselves!

One of the things we hear over and over from women is that it is so hard to prioritize yourself. Maybe you don’t have time or energy. Maybe you feel guilty or selfish. Maybe you are just too tired or depleted. Perhaps you don’t even know what it means to prioritize yourself. We get it. We know it can feel hard or even foreign to really focus on yourself (and asking you to do more than prioritize yourself, but treat yourself like you are beloved, may even feel scary!)

We also know the power of self-care, self-acceptance and self-love! We know that amazing things happen in your life when you love yourself and honor yourself. And we know the power of gathering a group of women! We know how validating and life-giving it is to sit with other women and laugh or cry or listen or share and hear, “me too!” or “You are not alone!”

Powerful things happen when we gather. Beautiful things happen when we gather. We are so excited to gather with YOU!

Together we will explore –

Self-care, self-love, self-acceptance – what do they all mean and how do you do them?

Being in your body and feeling pleasure in your body

What it means to be your own BELOVED

Light movement and exercises that will help you delight in your own body

Exercises and practices to help you honor your own wants and needs and treat yourself like the precious woman you are!

A Few Logistics –

April 21st from 11am-3pm

This event is limited to 12 women

We will have snacks and drinks

The location is NE Portland. We will send you the address after your register.

The cost is $100

Registration is closed. Subscribe to my free newsletter to receive updates about our future offerings.

What would it be like to also attend to your own wants and needs? What would it be like to prioritize yourself and your pleasure? What would it be like to be your own beloved?


June 12, 2017

Does your partner know what you want?

relationship romance

Have you told your partner how you like to be seduced?

Have you shared what makes your body sing and your lips part and your back arch?

Do you ask for what you want (in and out of the bedroom)?

I hope so.

And if not, what gets in the way?

Many of the people I talk with share that they shouldn’t have to tell their partner what they want. They say it takes the romance or excitement out of it to have to say it out loud. Or they say it makes it less special if they have to ask for it.

In some ways, I think that we’ve been condition to think that. We see it in movies or read about it in books. We dream of someone who will know our body better than we even know it.

So if our partner doesn’t know how we like to be kissed or what kind of foreplay we like or how to help us have an orgasm…we get annoyed. Or we get critical. Or we shut down. We blame them for not being skilled enough or intuitive enough.

And really it’s not fair.

If I asked you to make my favorite cake but refused to tell you what kind of a cake it was or how to make it, would that be fair?

Your partner can’t read your mind.

If there is something you would like, ask for it. There is no shame in asking.

And if you don’t know what you like or what you want, take some time and let yourself be curious. Explore on your own or with your partner.

(I  also know that some people have asked for what they want and aren’t getting it. Perhaps your partner needs some sex education. Or maybe your partner needs to work on listening or remembering what you like. It’s frustrating when you have been clear about what you want and you aren’t getting it. Check in with yourself about this. Does your partner not know what you want because they aren’t paying attention? Or is it because you haven’t asked for it?)


March 27, 2017

Relationships Need Attention

Man Kissing Woman

One of the things I love most about intimate relationships is that they are a place we can be seen and loved for who we truly are. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to prove our worth. You can exhale and just be. It’s wonderful!

Sometimes that comfort can shift into taking a partner for granted. You know what I’m taking about, right?

You’ve had those days where you were cheery at work and provided a shoulder for your friend to cry on and you were extra patient with your child and at the end of the day you are exhausted and cranky and you snap at your partner.

Sometimes the people we love the most are the people who get the scraps at the end of the day.

Sometimes the places we feel most secure are the places we give the least attention.

There is a popular myth that relationships should be easy and self-sustaining. And while I believe that relationships can be easy and self-sustaining at times…most things in life require loving attention in order to flourish.

What about your relationship?

How do you show love and appreciation to your partner?

How do you want your partner to show you love and appreciation?

Sometimes we show love in one way but our partner wants something else. Maybe you use words to express your love, but your partner craves touch. Or perhaps you like spending time with your partner but your partner shows you love by doing things for you. Here is an activity you can do to help you both feel more loved and appreciated in your relationship.

Make a list of 10 things your partner can do to help you feel loved or appreciated.

  • Make sure the items on your list are tangible and executable (instead of “Love me”, write “Tell me you love me every day”).
  • Include a few “easy” things on your list.  (you don’t want 10 items that are similar to “plan our next vacation”, “clean the whole house”, “play a date night” – a few of these are OK, but the harder the items are the longer it will take your partner to do them and the longer it will take for you to feel loved).
  • List things positively (avoid asking for behaviors to stop, instead focus on the behaviors that will make you feel loved.  Rather than “stop spending so much money” try “create a budget with me.”)
  • Include some variety. If you feel loved by having sex then that should be on your list, but 10 items that include sex may be overwhelming for your partner. Are there other things that “count” for you?
  • If there are any hot button topics in your relationship (ie sex, money, etc) you may decide to keep these things off the list all together.
  • You can include things that already happen, things that used to happen or things that are new.

Include things that really resonate with you. What are the things that make you smile or feel warm? What are the things that make you want to tell your friends how great your partner is?

“Bring me flowers.” “Kiss me when I come home from work.” “Leave me a love note.” “Pick up my favorite treat at the store.” “Plan a date for us.” “Go on a walk with me.” “Initiate sex.” “Compliment me.”

Then share your lists with each other. Try not be defensive as you hear what your partner wants. Then post your lists somewhere that you can see them and start using them. When you want to express love, go to your partner’s list. When you feel loved and want to reciprocate, go to your partner’s list. The more love we feel, the more love we have to give.


And if you really want to infuse your relationship with loved and connection and intimacy, check out my e-course Shower Your Partner with Love.

It’s packed with videos, exercises and activities you can do with your partner. It’s also self-paced so you can do it on your own time, at your own speed and in the comfort of your own home. It’s a great way to prioritize your relationship and really show each other your care. Learn more about the course here.

Filed under: Change, Communication, Dating, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Romance — admin @ 9:11 pm

November 24, 2016

5 ways to heal your heart

broken heart

What do you do when your heart is hurting?

How do you grieve?

How do you cope with loss?

What do you do when your feelings are hurt?

What do you do when a relationship ends?

How do you go on when your dreams are crushed?

Do you try to cheer yourself up? Do you get trapped in a cycle of despair? Do you disconnect from your feelings completely? Do you feel stuck or lost?

There is no easy fix for heartbreak. We also have a lot of messages in our culture about “bucking up” or not being a crybaby or getting over things. We call certain emotions “positive” and others “negative.” Also, let’s be honest, it doesn’t feel good when your heart is hurting. It makes sense to try to avoid feeling way. But stuffing or ignoring your feelings doesn’t usually help heart ache (it often prolongs it).

Here are 5 things you can do when your heart aches.

Feel your feelings

The only way out is through. It’s hard to believe when you are in the midst of pain that one day you will feel better. Just like the sun rises after a long dark night, you will feel better eventually…but night comes before the dawn. Cry. Spend the day in your pjs. Get angry. Don’t ignore the pain. Move with it and through it. Cry some more. You don’t need to deny or ignore your experience.

Get support

Take to a friend. Find a therapist. Join a support group. When you are in pain, it’s easy to feel alone. While you are a unique person with unique experiences, pain and heartache are universal. Having someone else who can remind you that you are not alone or say “Me too” can be wildly comforting.

Ask for what you want/need

What will help you feel better? What do you really need right now? Once you identify it, ask for it. We all process grief or sadness or pain a bit differently. The people who are close to you may not know what will be most supportive for you. Check in with yourself and then share your requests with them.

Take action

If your heart is aching in response to injustice or pain in the world. You can take action in response. Volunteer, donate money, find a way to show up and support the people and causes you believe in. If you’re experiencing a personal heartache, you can still take action. Take a walk. Get rid of clothes or belongings that no longer reflect who you are or how you want to feel. Clean your house. It’s easy to feel helpless and stuck when you are hurting. Feeling your feelings is different than giving up or feeling stuck. (If you are prone to depression or anxiety taking action is very hard to do alone. Support and empathy will be essential helping you heal your heart.)

Give love

I know from experience that when I’m feeling sad or lonely, one of the things that helps is to share love with others. First though, I need to feel my feelings and identify what I need and get support so I feel like I have the capacity to give love to another. And then reaching out with a card, doing a random act of kindness, letting someone know I see them or admire them, or helping someone feel special can actually make ME feel better. This won’t work if you are not also willing to receive love and get support. If you try to give love when you are depleted, you can feel resentful.

Living and loving and being present means sometimes your heart will hurt. And when it does, I hope these actions will help you move through the pain and back toward open hearted living.

Filed under: Change, Emotions, Love, Self-care, Self-love, Support, Vulnerability — admin @ 10:27 pm

August 29, 2016

Self Acceptance is an act of love

self acceptance as an act of love

Photo by Stacy De La Rosa

Are there parts of yourself you have a hard time loving?

Does your inner critic insist that you need to be better, smarter, thinner, kinder or more attractive?

Do you tell yourself once you lose the weight or find your mate or get your dream job – that THEN you will be able to love yourself?

Self acceptance is an act of love.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It is not resignation or forfeiture.

You can want to change or shift or grow and still love and accept yourself.

You can strive for more and also accept yourself. You can love yourself and want more. You can love yourself and want to change.

In fact, you are more likely to grow and shift and change and expand when you are operating from a base of love.

Self acceptance doesn’t mean pretending to love yourself or pretending you are excited about something that you want to be different.

Acceptance is an acknowledgement.

Acceptance is unconditional love.

It is surrender.

It’s a full exhale.

It’s an honoring of who you are and what is true.

Self acceptance is an act of love.

I’m going live in my Sensuous Woman Facebook group to talk more about acceptance. Join us here.

Filed under: Body-Image, Love, Self-care, Self-love — admin @ 3:41 pm

June 21, 2016

Treat Your Partner Like Your Lover

I know things don’t feel the same as they did when you first started your relationship. As time goes on, relationships change. They change in many wonderful ways, and sometimes they feel less exciting, less intimate, less sexy.

I made a three-minute video talking about one small way you can shift your relationship.

Take a moment. Imagine you were preparing for your lover. How would you proceed? How would your routine change? How would your energy change? How would your intention or perception shift?

Our language is powerful. How you talk about your relationship or your partner, can affect how you feel. What you call your partner, lover, spouse, mate, beloved, significant other, or better half can influence how you feel about them.

Try it.

For a week, a weekend or even day, treat your partner like you would treat your lover. Notice how you feel and notice how your lover responds to you.

Valentine Couple

If you would like 6 more tips to help you prioritize your relationship (and sex) - get my free 6-page guide to help you reclaim your sex life!

Filed under: Desire, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Romance, Seduction, Sexuality, Video — admin @ 3:58 pm

May 8, 2016

Hey, Mama! I see you.

Mama love

I was waiting in line to get a pastry and latte today and I overheard two men in front of me who were talking about Mother’s Day.

Man #1 – What are you doing for your wife today?

Man #2 – I don’t know why I have to do anything. She’s not my mom. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

That interaction in combination with reading some articles and posts about people who are struggling with Mother’s Day has me thinking today. It pains me to know that Mother’s Day is hard for so many people. There are so many people who feel grief about the loss of their mom, the absence of their mom, or lack of love from their mom.  There are so many women who ache to have a child or have lost a child or struggled with their role as mom. I know that seeing people sharing the joys of motherhood and their love of their moms can amplify that pain.

I know some people complain that Mother’s Day is a Hallmark Holiday.

I know some people say that Mother’s Day is every day and we shouldn’t need a holiday.

I know that some people say that Mothering is a gift in itself and we should be grateful for the experience and not need anything else.

And also, I know many women who need Mother’s Day. I know many women who don’t know how to ask for a break or breakfast in bed or time to get a pedicure and Mother’s Day is the day they give themselves permission. Mother’s Day is the day they feel seen and appreciated and valued.

So should you have to celebrate someone on Mother’s Day?

No.

You don’t have to do anything. And celebrating someone with a resentful heart probably doesn’t feel all that great for the person being “celebrated.”

For me, Mother’s Day is an opportunity. An opportunity for women to ask for what they need (as a mama or someone who has a mama or someone who is grieving). What do you want or need today?

For me, Mother’s Day is a reminder. A reminder to tell people that you see them and you love that and that you empathize and acknowledge them. Or a reminder that some people you love really struggle with their mom or their grief or their role as mom. A reminder to celebrate yourself and receive celebration.

For me, Mother’s Day is about being seen. So often mothering means doing the work that needs to be done. It happens without comment or witness. And today some mothers may feel seen and appreciated and validated. By their partners, by their children, by their friends and even by strangers. Today as I was out in the world with my daughter people wished me a happy Mother’s Day. It felt lovely.

So today I see you. I’m sorry if it’s hard. I’m sorry if you are grieving. I salute you if you are working hard. I celebrate with you if you are loving life. I see you not only as a Mother, but as a human. If you have the capacity, let today be a day where you reach out to other mothers and celebrate them or other humans who are struggling today and ask how you can offer support.

And if you are feeling unseen or uncelebrated or unloved - I hope that you will mother yourself a bit today too.

Filed under: Holidays, Love, Mother, Women — admin @ 3:28 pm

February 12, 2016

Valentine’s Day is for Everyone.

Valentine Love

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I’m hearing a lot of grumbling about it. I know some people think it’s a “Hallmark Holiday.” I know some single people hate it because it reminds them they are “alone.” And I know some partners feel pressure or disappointment on that day.

I love Valentine’s Day.

I love it when I’m single and I love it when I’m partnered. I love it because it is a day that celebrates love. And I love LOVE!

Growing up my mom got us gifts on Valentine’s Day. My grandma also sent us goodies in the mail. I learned that February 14th is a day to celebrate the people you care about. As an adult I’ve had lovely celebrations with romantic partners and some really special solo Valentine’s Days as well.

You see, Valentine’s Day is about your intentions, not your relationship status.

You can be disappointed on Valentine’s Day in a relationship or on your own. You can have a crappy day if you are partnered and a lovely day if you are single. You get to choose.

This Valentine’s Day my daughter and I are throwing a party for some of our favorite people. We are going to gather and eat and drink and celebrate our love and friendship. I also bought her some small gifts and I’m buying something for myself too.

What are your intentions for February 14th? How will you celebrate love this year?

Filed under: Family, Friendship, Holidays, Love, Relationship, Self-love — admin @ 3:33 pm

December 12, 2015

Share Your Love

There seems to be a lot of pain, sadness and heartache in the world right now. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed, get angry, feel sad, feel helpless. And all of those things are OK. I’ve also been thinking about what I can do right now and what I want to do right now in response.

I’m blessed to know some amazing people who are showing up in so many loving ways. I’m hearing about friends who are writing love notes with her kids and leaving these notes on cars in parking lots (how great is that??? Especially right now. Go to the mall, and leave love notes for all of the exhausted and stressed out holiday shoppers. Let them know they are not alone in this world). I have friends who are putting together bags of food and essentials and giving them out to homeless people. People are showing up with love. Even when they are hurting. Even when they are scared.

When I feel sad, when I feel scared, when I feel overwhelmed; I want to know that I’m not alone. Do you feel that too? The desire to be connected. the yearning to feel close. The sweet warmth that comes when someone tells you, “I’m thinking of you“.

One of the ways I’m trying to spread more love into the word is by sending out one love note in the mail every week for the next 55 weeks. I’m doing this with my daughter. We made gratitude cards this Thanksgiving. She painted them and I wrote a little message. We had a fun time making them and we received such loving response to them, so we are going to do it again and again and again. I’m sure you’ve had the experience of the right text, or letter or email or words coming at the right time. We are hoping to be that for someone. It’s a small thing. But it’s a thing we can do easily and with joy in our hearts.

Love Notes

I know that with all the hate and unrest in the world now, that there is more to be done. I also know that love begets love. I know that what you put your attention on amplifies. So I’m starting with love.

How are you sharing your love in the word?

“It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Filed under: Community, Friendship, Love, Support, Vulnerability — admin @ 9:12 am

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