My January Newsletter went out this week. If you would like to see it in it’s original format, you can see it here. The main content is listed below -
I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions a few years ago. I was tired of pledging to do the same resolutions year after year. Each year I told myself I would lose weight or eat better or floss and each year I would be gung ho in the beginning of the year and then forget my resolutions as “real life” got busy. A major shift happened when I realized that if something is really important to me I can do it any time of the year (not just on January 1st). What a trip to join a gym in April and not have to fight the crowds to get on a machine!
I’m not trying to blast resolutions. I think there is something special about letting go of the past year and looking forward to a new one. I’m just not a fan of the word “resolutions”. There is something about it that feels punishing or temporary (how many years have you recycled the same resolutions over and over again, only to break them each year?) Instead I like thinking of intentions, wishes or goals. I think of intentions as an energy, something I can focus on without feeling guilty if I don’t make it happen every single day. If you slack on your resolutions do you start over or do you just forget them? With an intention (for example “I’m going to focus on health this year) it’s easy to keep focus on it even if you “mess up” one day. Intentions can be really helpful for your relationship. What do you want to focus on as a couple? What changes would you like to make? Here is some information on setting relationship intentions.
This year I did something different. I chose a few words that I want to focus on rather than making very rigid resolutions or intentions. I have a short list of words that are on my radar for the year. One of the words is “nourishment.” Instead of having a resolution that I won’t eat or won’t do certain things, I just think of my word. As I’m making decisions I ask myself, “Is this nourishing?” I also check in with myself regularly, “What kind of nourishment would feel good?” Nourishment can take all sorts of forms (self care, exercise, time with friends, a date, a nap etc.).
Now that January is almost over, where are you with your 2011 resolutions, intentions or wishes? Have you given them up? Are you making headway? If you’ve given up on your resolutions or they are starting to feel a little overwhelming, you might just pick a word instead. What do you really want in your life? What one thing would make a difference? What are you yearning for? What is your word (or words) for 2011?
My thoughts have been consumed by holiday preparations and expectations. I have visions of sugarplums and decorations and shopping and presents and traditions and baking. I’ve also being thinking about Santa Claus. I’ve been thinking about that jolly fellow who brings Christmas presents without expecting anything in return (except of course, good behavior). I’ve also been thinking about the idea that “there is no such thing as a free lunch.” What happened to doing something nice, just for the sake of doing something nice?
I remember having a conversation with a friend years ago where I mentioned I was frustrated that I had waved to let a driver into a lane of traffic and he had not given me a “thank you” wave in return. I probably went so far as to call that driver, “rude!” My friend replied saying, “I don’t let people into my lane of traffic expecting anything in return, I do it because it’s the right thing to do.” Hmmm…what would the world be like if we stopped doing things in order to get something in return, but rather just because it’s the right thing to do?
Think about your relationship, your family, your workplace, interactions with strangers…what can you give without expecting anything in return? So often, when working with couples, I hear that one partner is unwilling to do something until his or her partner does the same. I see people suck in a stalemate where each person is waiting. What if you stopped waiting? What if you took the first move? Perhaps it will be the only move…but it will be movement.
Here are some ways you might give without expectations –
Do the dishes without expecting a “thank you”
Shovel someone’s sidewalk
Give an anonymous gift
Say you are sorry and mean it
Please your partner sexually without expecting anything in return
Send a card to a friend telling her you appreciate her
Volunteer
This season you may be dreaming of sugarplums or consumed with an endless to do list. You may be overworked or reveling in the magic of the season. Wherever you are, however you feel, think about what you can give without any expectations. If we all gave a little more, can you imagine what the world (and your relationship) would be like?!?
My December Newsletter focuses on Giving Without Expectations. You can view it in it’s original form here.
I love this time of year. It is a wonderful reminder to focus on family, relationships, tradition and gratitude. It’s also a time for feasts and frivolity! Now that the feast is over, are you still grateful? Or has gratitude moved to the bottom of your list and been taken over my getting ready for the next big holiday? Gratitude is a wonderful practice any time of year. It is especially powerful this time of year when stress can become a major player in your life. It can also be very grounding if the holidays are a hard or lonely time for you. My November Newsletter is all about gratitude and you can read it here. During the hustle and bustle of the season, can you also find a way to put being thankful at the top of your to do list?
My September newsletter is about manifesting.
Calling what you want into your life can be a very powerful process. You can also use the information provided in the newsletter to get what you want in your relationship. You and your partner can each write lists of what you want in your relationship and then share your lists with one another. You could also create one list together. On that list, write what you want to experience together, the adventures you want to have, the life you want to share. Post your list in a place where you can see it often. And then watch that very life start to unfold.
In my August Newsletter you can read about small actions that add up to big changes in your sex life. (and remember if you subscribe to my newsletter, you get it delivered directly to your inbox)
I also headed over to Koin Studio 6 to talk about this very subject. You can see the video here.
I love baby steps or small changes because they are easy to implement. Go ahead and choose one of these 5 tips this week and heat things up with your lover.
My July Newsletter is about desire vs. willingness. If you are waiting for your desire to kick in, you will want to check it out.
This month’s newsletter highlights Five Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life. If you are interested in this information and would like to receive it directly in your inbox, then you will want to sign up for my newsletter today!
Here is my June Newsleter – it was inspired by my trip to Europe. The trip still has me thinking about ways to slow down, cultivate romance and intimacy and really enjoy life. I will have more to say about those themes in future newsletters.
You can subscribe to my newsletter here.
You can find my May Newsletter here. And if you want to find out what I have to say in June (here’s a little teaser, I will be writing you from the City of Love!) make sure you subscribe to my monthly newsletter and it will come right to your inbox.
