Archive: Sexual Being

May 22, 2019

May is National Masturbation Month!

Some people may shake their heads and wonder why we need a masturbation month at all.

Can’t you just masturbate when you want to? Of course! Every month can be masturbation month.

I can also tell you that there is still a lot of stigma and shame and judgment around masturbation.

In my office, even with folks who are willing to talk about partnered sex, sometimes when I ask about masturbation that feels too private or embarrassing to talk about.

There are many negative messages people receive about masturbation growing up…or there are some partners who have negative feelings about the role of masturbation in relationship…or there are some people who simply don’t know how to experience solo pleasure because so many of us are socialized to associate our pleasure with another person.

Having a month that celebrates masturbation is one way to normalize it. It’s one way to give people permission to explore it and embrace it. It’s one way to prioritize your own wants and needs and pleasure!

Read this if you want to learn more about why masturbation is good for you.

Or if you already comfortable with masturbation but want to celebrate Masturbation Month – try exploring new ways to experience solo pleasure or learn some thing new about your body.

Looking for some resources about how to masturbate? Check out –

How to Masturbate if you have a vagina

Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz

or OMGYes

Let Masturbation May inspire you to take your solo pleasure to the next level.

Filed under: Masturbation,Self-care,Self-love,Sexual Being,Sexuality — admin @ 2:53 pm

January 19, 2017

Awaken the Want

Turned On FINAL sans dates - lorez

Awaken the Want
and evening of exploration and storytelling
with Isabel Abbott and Julie Jeske

an evening of heeding the hunger and permission to want
and of finding the words to speak of all the things we are told to keep quiet.
of entering into the wide range of experiences in the geography of desire and arousal,
wanting and consent, giving and receiving.

There will be time to ask and enter into your questions,
reflect on your own embodied experiences and the languages of desire.
We will be listening to the space where the body and voice connect,
and what it feels like to locate our own self in our sexuality and experiences,
We will eat delicious food and sit in a safe space and begin to tell our stories.

And we would oh so love to have you there.
Thursday, May 4th

Portland, OR

Registration is closed – subscribe here if you want to be informed of future events.

August 17, 2016

Look between your legs with love

Ladies, when it the last time you looked between your legs?

self exam

For starters, when is the last time you gave yourself a self-exam? One of the ways you can love yourself and advocate for your health is by taking care of your genital health. Look at the tissue of your genitals, notice any lumps or bumps or changes. Get familiar with your body.

Here is a resource if you would like help with a vaginal exam.

Now that you know how to give yourself an “exam,” how about looking at your body with love?

I’ve spoken with so many women who don’t know what their own bodies look like.

I’ve spoken with so many women who feel “grossed out” or uncomfortable with their genitals.

I’ve spoken with so many women who have an aversion to their own bodies.

The more familiar you are with your body, the more likely you will be able to track any changes that need attention. AND the more you look at your body with love and gratitude, the more pleasure you will be able to feel.

Can you look at your body without criticism or trying to compare it to other bodies? (especially bodies that might be photoshopped or altered?)

Look at the curves and colors and beauty. Notice how things respond or change as you touch yourself. Try to interrupt your inner critic and send love to all your lady parts. Whisper, “I love you” “You are beautiful” or “Thank you” as you gaze at your body. It may feel silly at first, but it is an act of self love and kindness.

How you feel about your body affects your sex life and your capacity for pleasure. How you feel about your body affects more than that, it affects how you show up in the world.

Looking for more information about body love? Check out –

Vaginas are like snowflakes

Do you owe your body and apology?

What do you call it?

5 reasons masturbation is great!

You might also like to join my private Facebook group – Sensuous Woman. It’s a private space for women to talk about sensuality, sexuality, body love and being a woman.

Filed under: health,Self-care,Self-love,Sexual Being,Sexuality — admin @ 4:43 pm

December 27, 2015

What Turns You On?


What turns you on?

What excites you?

What warms your body? What makes your breath change and your chest flush?

What arouses you?

We put a lot of attention on desire. I hear from many people who are experiencing low desire. People talk about wanting to feel more desire or experience desire in a different way. What about arousal?

It’s easy to focus on desire and just stop there. I don’t feel the desire to have sex so I’m going to stop thinking about sex. I’m just going to write it off.

Here’s the thing –

If you know what turns you on, you will have a greater desire for sex.

If you know what excites you, you will be more interested in sex.

If you know what arouses you, sex is more appealing.

So what turns you on?

If you aren’t sure, focus on sensuality. What excites your senses? What do you like to see, hear, smell, taste or touch?

Pleasure is also a pathway to arousal. What feels good? What makes your breath deepen or your pulse quicken? What entices you to roll your hips or arch your back? How do you want to be kissed, licked, caressed or held?

If you aren’t sure, spend some time getting to know your body. Or focus on foreplay with a partner, what warms you up and invites you to say, “Yes!”

And know that what turns you on can change. So be curious. Explore. Stay connected to your body, your pleasure and your arousal.

You can also cultivate arousal out of the bedroom. What excites you about life? What turns you on? My post – Turned On Living my interest you.

August 28, 2015

What I learned from peddling sex toys.

Sex Toys

For four years I was welcomed in to women’s homes and talked to them about sex. When I first signed up to be a Pure Romance consultant I was interested in the presentation part of the parties. It appealed to the performer in me. I wanted to stand in front of a group of women and talk to them, educate them and hopefully laugh with them. I wanted to take this very taboo topic and make it more accessible and make it playful. I wanted to start a conversation. I had no idea that the part of the job that would most move me was what I learned from women and all of the intimate stories they shared. I had no idea that these strangers would open their hearts and tell me some of their most vulnerable and intimate secrets, fears and desires. I had no idea that this would be one of the biggest catalysts that would launch me in the direction of being a sex therapist.

At these parties I would arrive, carrying giant bins of lotions, potions and toys. I would set up in a living room or dining room. Women would gather and eat and drink and giggle and then I would start my presentation. I stood in front of the group and would tell stories and talk about products and pass them around. The women were able to hold toys in their hands and see what they felt like. I loved to read the room and use just the right amount of humor to help the partygoers relax into the evening. I was often approached by women who shared they first felt uncomfortable about coming to the event but they loved it so much that they wanted to host their own party. We would laugh and talk and some of the women would share stories with the other women about products they loved or toys they had tried. And then after I had shared all of the information about the available products I would go into another room of the house (usually an office or bedroom) and one-by-one or two-by-two the women would come and order from me (privately).

And here is where some of them cried as they told me they had never had an orgasm.

Here is where they shared they didn’t feel any desire but really want to.

Here is where they told me the kinds of sex they love or the kinds of sex they pine for.

Here is where they opened their hearts and took me into their confidence.

Here is where my life changed.

One of the things I love most about my work is helping people talk about uncomfortable things. Often that is sex, but sometimes it is grief or fear or anger. I love helping people use their voice. I love helping people communicate. I love helping people feel heard. I also love demystifying sex and bring it out of the shadows and into your living room.

Here are some of the things I learned all those years ago when I was welcomed in to strangers homes and talked with them about sex.

People want to feel normal (at least when it comes to sex). A lot of the women I saw compared themselves (their bodies, their desire, their sex lives) to other people or what they saw on TV and in the movies…and they often felt like they didn’t measure up. They viewed what they saw in the media as “normal” and they really wanted to be normal. And if they had less desire than what they saw or struggled with arousal or orgasm, they felt broken.

A lot of the women I met wanted to want sex. Even if they didn’t feel spontaneous desire, the women I met wanted to want sex with their partners. They wanted to feel more desire. They wanted to feel less inhibited. They wanted to love sex. Some of these women wanted to want sex for their partner, but some of them really wanted it for themselves.

Many of the women wanted someone else to teach them, reach them or wake them up. When we talked about masturbation or learning what they liked, they weren’t very interested. They were convinced that the right person, toy or pill would figure it out for them. I think many of us have been misinformed. We’ve been taught that the right man or woman will rush in, sweep us off our feet and make all of our pleasure areas light up. Here’s the thing. If you want to enjoy sex more, you will need to explore what YOU like. And you can absolutely invite someone to be a part of that process. You can ask your partner for help. But you also have to be an active participant. Pleasure is an inside job.

I talked with a lot of women who were afraid that using a vibrator would mean competition for their partner. Some of these women were in relationship with men who told them they were worried about becoming obsolete if there is a vibrator involved. Here’s the thing. Vibrators are GREAT! They are a wonderful tool and can really speed up the arousal and orgasm process. It’s lovely to use them on your own or with a partner. And it’s true, they do move at a faster speed than a human can. But they also can’t wrap their arms around you, press the weight of their bodies against you, kiss you or tell you they love you.

Many of the women I met were focused on pleasing their partner. They wanted products their partners would love. They wanted things that would make them more desirable or drive their lover wild in bed. What I’ve learn from my therapy work with couples is that one of the best ways to drive your lover wild is to really enjoy sex! Your pleasure is sexy!!!

I also met women who were really comfortable with sex. I met women who felt really in touch with their desire and pleasure and arousal. I met women who really love sex.

If you recognize yourself in any of the above groups, know that you are not alone. One of the reasons I do the work that I do is because I want it to be easier for us to talk about sex. If we can talk about it, we can learn and grow. If we talk about it you will also learn that you are not broken and you are not alone!

Filed under: Communication,Pleasure,Self-love,Sexual Being,Sexuality — admin @ 11:22 am

June 25, 2015

If sex is natural, why is it so complicated?

uninterested in sex

Sex is natural.

It should be spontaneous.

Sex should be easy.

You should want it.

I hear the above messages in my office and in the world, over and over and over again. We have so many ideas about how sex SHOULD look, that when it strays from that, it feels bad.

If sex is easy and natural, why are so many people struggling with it?

Sex is natural in the sense that animals have sex and it’s a function of our bodies…but it’s more nuanced than that. Talking is natural. Walking is natural. And we still have to learn to do those things. Making sounds might be natural, but stringing those sounds into words that communicate meaning, that takes practice. Sex and connecting in a way that brings mutual pleasure or expresses love or passion, also takes practice. It takes energy. It requires attention and intention. It is nuanced.

Even deciding what counts as sex can be nuanced. Your definition of sex might be different than your partners. If sex was totally natural, wouldn’t everybody do it the same way? (just in case you are wondering, there are plenty of ways to have sex. People have all sorts of personal ideas about what counts as sex).

Two different people coming together with all of their own expectations and histories and ideas about sex might need a bit of negotiation to reach each other. Simply touching genitals or putting an organ into an orifice might not be complicated, but those things might not bring pleasure. What about tempo? Pressure of touch? Foreplay? Arousal? Eye gazing? Coaxing and teasing and encouraging each other to the point of ecstasy?

One of the things that makes sex even trickier is that we get so many messages that sex is easy and people are just walking around bursting with desire. We see it on magazine covers and we watch it unfold on our screens. We see couples spontaneously kissing and tearing clothes off and jumping into bed and then exploding with mutual orgasms without any foreplay (not to mention using lubricant or putting on a condom or struggling with erectile disfunction or difficulties with orgasm). We see sex depicted in a way that is easy and constantly accessible and natural. So if it doesn’t feel that way for you, the message you receive is that there is something wrong with you.

Sex is lovely and beautiful and can be filled with ease. And sometimes it’s messy and frustrating and hard to prioritize. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means there might be room for you to explore your own pleasure. You might need to work on asking for what you want or add more sexual tools to your tool box.

Instead of telling yourself or your parter that you SHOULD want sex, try asking –

What would make you want sex? What do you like about sex? What would make sex appealing to you? What gives you pleasure? What would make sex easier for you? How can I make our sex a more exciting or pleasurable or loving experience for you?

Instead of looking outside for what makes sex good or normal or hot, look inside. And then share that with your partner.

Sex doesn’t have to be difficult, but it does require communication.

Filed under: Communication,Desire,Relationship,Sexual Being,Sexuality,Shame — admin @ 5:52 am

June 18, 2015

50% off all PDFs – Save The Date!

Save the Date – From Friday, June 26th at 5pm EST – Monday, June 29th at 12pm EST you can purchase any of my Self-Study PDF’s for 50% off!

We are nearing the halfway mark of 2015. In the beginning of the year it’s easy to have momentum and excitement about change and focusing on yourself. I want to make it easy for you to honor your commitment to yourself and your relationship – now is a great time to honor your relationshiprelease shame, discover your sexual desire, connect with your body or focus on self-love.

blossom risk

I love helping women create a deeper connection with themselves and with their partners. These classes are a wonderful way to explore intimacy and cultivate pleasure.  Visit my class page June 26th – June 29th and purchase any of my e-courses for 50% off!

March 31, 2015

Spring Cleaning For Your Sex Life!

cherry blossoms

Spring has sprung in the Pacific Northwest. The tulips are blooming and the cherry blossoms have come and gone. The sun is shining and it’s easier to see all of the dust and grime that has accumulated over the winter.  It’s time for Spring Cleaning!

What about a little spring cleaning for your sex life?

Start by tossing anything that has expired or is broken.

  • Check the expiration date on your condoms or diaphragm (and if you’ve lost or gained weight, get refitted for your diaphragm).
  • Your lubricant has a shelf life. If you can’t remember when you bought it; check the color, scent and consistency to see if it’s time to replace it.
  • Throw out any toys or batteries that aren’t working.

While you’re at it, get rid of anything you don’t use or don’t like.

  • Throw out underwear or lingerie that doesn’t fit or doesn’t make you feel good.
  • Get rid of toys or massage lotion that you haven’t used in ages.
  • Let go of shame or any limiting beliefs or ideas.

Take care of your sexual health.

  • Now is a great time to revisit your birth control. Is it still working for you?
  • Is it time for a visit to your doctor for a check up or for STI testing?

Add some tools to your sexual tool box.

  • Invest in a new toy or accessory.
  • Buy a book, take a class or listen to a podcast about sex.
  • Try something new with your partner.

Give your sexy space a make over.

  • Buy new sheets.
  • Change the lighting (even adding candles can make an difference).
  • Add some artwork.

Are you ready to let go of something or invite something new into your life? It’s a great time to take a sexual inventory and see what you want to change.

Filed under: Sexual Being,Sexuality — admin @ 9:51 am

January 28, 2015

Prioritize Your Sexuality

Sex reminder

If you could have taken a peek into my home last night, you would have found me walking from the bathroom to my room to my daughters room over and over and over again. This month I bought an activity tracker that counts my steps and at the end of the day I was trying to beat my daily average. So I was walking in circles trying to get an additional 500 steps. I know that without my tracker I wouldn’t have any reason to be walking in circles. Without my tracker, taking steps wouldn’t even be on my radar. I love that I have a new form of accountability to help encourage being active.

I started to think about sex. Without my tracker, taking steps wouldn’t be a priority. What could help people get sex on their radar? I know that some people don’t need any help. Some people think about sex during their day. Some people see an attractive person and start to fantasize. Some people have a sexy dream. Some people find sex popping into their heads at inopportune times. However, I hear from many people (women especially) who just don’t think about sex. They have so many other things going on, it just doesn’t make the list. Some of these people don’t like sex or aren’t interested in it. Many of them report that they actually like sex when they are having it, they just don’t think about having it. Just like I didn’t think about getting another 500 steps at the end of my day.

Here are some ways to get sex on your radar –

  • Set a reminder on your phone. Every time it goes off, pause for a minute and remind yourself that you are a sexual being.
  • Read erotica before bed.
  • Find a totem or talisman. Carry something with you that reminds you of sex. Perhaps it’s a piece of jewelry or a special stone or a small figure. When you see this totem, let yourself dream about sex.
  • Make a sex date.
  • Be in your body. Move, dance, walk, masturbate, connect to your body. It’s easy to feel disconnected, the more you connect to your body, the easier it will be to connect to your sexual center.
  • Plan a sexy getaway.
  • Practice Sensuality – tune into your senses throughout your day. The more you connect with your senses, the more you connect with your body and the present moment.
  • Cultivate Pleasure – you can have pleasure in and out of the bedroom. The more in touch you are with pleasure in general, the easier it will be to translate that to sexual pleasure. What gives you pleasure? What do you enjoy? What feels good?
  • Write – “Sex” or “I’m sexy” or “Explore Your Sexuality” on sticky notes and place them there you will find them throughout the week. When you see a sticky note check in with your sexual barometer
  • Have a weekly sex check-in with your partner. Talk about how you are feeling and what you are wanting.

There is no shame in needing a sexual reminder. Help yourself be accountable and use some tools to make sex a priority.

Filed under: Sexual Being,Sexuality — admin @ 2:41 pm

June 17, 2014

50% Off All PDFs – Save the date!

I am so excited about my first 50% off sale! For one day only all my e-courses will be 50% off!

Save the Date – On June 30th you can purchase any of my Self-Study PDF’s for 50% off!

We are nearing the halfway mark of 2014. In the beginning of the year it’s easy to have momentum and excitement about change and focusing on yourself. I want to make it easy for your to honor your commitment to yourself – now is a great time to release shame, discover your sexual desire, connect with your body or focus on self-love.

blossom risk

I love helping women create a deeper connection with themselves and with their partners. These classes are a wonderful way to explore intimacy and cultivate pleasure.  Visit my class page on Monday, June 30th and purchase any of my e-courses for 50% off!

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