Archive: Shame

June 25, 2015

If sex is natural, why is it so complicated?

uninterested in sex

Sex is natural.

It should be spontaneous.

Sex should be easy.

You should want it.

I hear the above messages in my office and in the world, over and over and over again. We have so many ideas about how sex SHOULD look, that when it strays from that, it feels bad.

If sex is easy and natural, why are so many people struggling with it?

Sex is natural in the sense that animals have sex and it’s a function of our bodies…but it’s more nuanced than that. Talking is natural. Walking is natural. And we still have to learn to do those things. Making sounds might be natural, but stringing those sounds into words that communicate meaning, that takes practice. Sex and connecting in a way that brings mutual pleasure or expresses love or passion, also takes practice. It takes energy. It requires attention and intention. It is nuanced.

Even deciding what counts as sex can be nuanced. Your definition of sex might be different than your partners. If sex was totally natural, wouldn’t everybody do it the same way? (just in case you are wondering, there are plenty of ways to have sex. People have all sorts of personal ideas about what counts as sex).

Two different people coming together with all of their own expectations and histories and ideas about sex might need a bit of negotiation to reach each other. Simply touching genitals or putting an organ into an orifice might not be complicated, but those things might not bring pleasure. What about tempo? Pressure of touch? Foreplay? Arousal? Eye gazing? Coaxing and teasing and encouraging each other to the point of ecstasy?

One of the things that makes sex even trickier is that we get so many messages that sex is easy and people are just walking around bursting with desire. We see it on magazine covers and we watch it unfold on our screens. We see couples spontaneously kissing and tearing clothes off and jumping into bed and then exploding with mutual orgasms without any foreplay (not to mention using lubricant or putting on a condom or struggling with erectile disfunction or difficulties with orgasm). We see sex depicted in a way that is easy and constantly accessible and natural. So if it doesn’t feel that way for you, the message you receive is that there is something wrong with you.

Sex is lovely and beautiful and can be filled with ease. And sometimes it’s messy and frustrating and hard to prioritize. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means there might be room for you to explore your own pleasure. You might need to work on asking for what you want or add more sexual tools to your tool box.

Instead of telling yourself or your parter that you SHOULD want sex, try asking –

What would make you want sex? What do you like about sex? What would make sex appealing to you? What gives you pleasure? What would make sex easier for you? How can I make our sex a more exciting or pleasurable or loving experience for you?

Instead of looking outside for what makes sex good or normal or hot, look inside. And then share that with your partner.

Sex doesn’t have to be difficult, but it does require communication.

Filed under: Communication,Desire,Relationship,Sexual Being,Sexuality,Shame — admin @ 5:52 am

June 18, 2015

50% off all PDFs – Save The Date!

Save the Date – From Friday, June 26th at 5pm EST – Monday, June 29th at 12pm EST you can purchase any of my Self-Study PDF’s for 50% off!

We are nearing the halfway mark of 2015. In the beginning of the year it’s easy to have momentum and excitement about change and focusing on yourself. I want to make it easy for you to honor your commitment to yourself and your relationship – now is a great time to honor your relationshiprelease shame, discover your sexual desire, connect with your body or focus on self-love.

blossom risk

I love helping women create a deeper connection with themselves and with their partners. These classes are a wonderful way to explore intimacy and cultivate pleasure.  Visit my class page June 26th – June 29th and purchase any of my e-courses for 50% off!

February 12, 2014

No More Sexy Tiger!

(Unless you want to be a sexy tiger, of course!)

Sexy Tiger Class

Do you know my very favorite things to talk about? The work that makes me most excited and lights me up? I LOVE helping women discover who they are sexually. I LOVE witnessing who they truly are (not who someone else told them they should be). I LOVE creating connections, leading excavation and hearing their truths. It’s exhilarating. And humbling. And beautiful. And moving. And wonderful!

After a year of in-person groups and online classes, I’m thrilled (is there a bigger word than thrilled? Because I am more than thrilled!) to share a new self-study course so you can discover your sexuality at your own pace and at home.

“You Don’t Have to be a Sexy Tiger: Discover YOUR Sexual Self!” Self-Study Course

You get all of the good stuff from my “You Don’t Have to be a Sexy Tiger: Discover YOUR Sexual Self!” e-course, packed into a 73-page PDF.

  • 10 Weeks of Questions, Activities and Exercises
  • 10 Weeks of Information and Lessons
  • 11 Videos
  • 10 Conference Calls

All delivered to your inbox and designed to help you get to the root of your sexuality, your desires, your SELF!

Course Topics –

  • What is a Sexual Being? What does it mean to be sexual?
  • Know Your Body – Anatomy and Body Image
  • Sensuality – Romance – Love
  • Discover What you like – Pleasure – Orgasm
  • Desire – Passion – Creativity
  • Shame
  • Vulnerability – Intimacy – Asking for what you want
  • What does sexy look like? – Power – Flirting – Seduction
  • How does sexuality fit in with the rest of your life? – Getting Sex on your Radar
  • Putting it all together – You know who you are, what if you don’t like it?

I am so excited about this class and the way it is awakening women’s sexual desire and expression.

If you are ready to have a better understanding of your sexuality, this class is for you!

Discover your sexual truth for $99!

Add to Cart

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin

Are you ready to blossom into your authentic sexual self?

November 5, 2013

Release Shame and Embrace Pleasure – It’s here!


I am so pleased to share that I’ve created a PDF version of my Releasing Shame and Embracing Pleasure course!  This is a 29 page version of the live 5-week class.  You will get all of the videos, exercises and recordings of the calls AND get to do it all at your own pace!

Here is a break down of what it covers –

  • Week 1 –  Exploring Shame – What is it?  Where does it come from?  How does it affect your life (and sex life)?
  • Week 2 – How would life be different without shame?  What counters shame?
  • Week 3  – What is pleasure?  What are you beliefs about pleasure?  What gets in the way of pleasure?
  • Week 4 – Shining the light on – Sexual Pleasure, Self Pleasure, Orgasm and Pleasure with a partner.
  • Week 5 – Implementation – Tangible ways to release shame and embrace pleasure.

I’ve set it up so you can maintain the original flow of the 5-week course or you can do it all at your own speed.  The beauty of this is that you get all of the goodness from the original course AND you can move at your own pace.

Are you ready to release your shame and embrace your pleasure????

The cost for the entire course is $49 and you can get started today!

Add to Cart

Filed under: Class,Pleasure,Shame,Women — admin @ 10:49 am

July 19, 2013

New Online Class: Releasing Shame – Embracing Pleasure


I’m thrilled to announce a new online class starting in August.

Releasing Shame – Embracing Pleasure

Week 1 –  Identifying Shame – How does shame affect sex? – Where does it come from?

Week 2 – How would life be different without shame?  What counters shame?

Week 3  – What is pleasure?  What gets in the way of pleasure?

Week 4 – What gives you pleasure (in and out of the bedroom)?  Creating/Cultivating Pleasure

Week 5 – Implementation – Tangible ways to release shame and embrace pleasure.

  • Each Monday I will share a video.
  • On Wednesday and Friday I will send you exercises or writing explorations
  • Each Saturday I will host a live phone call. I will also be answering your questions.  This is your chance to make this class personal. (If you can’t attend the phone call you can listen to the recording).
  • You can move at your own speed.
  • You can share as much or as little as you want during this class.


The next session starts August 19th, 2013.



This class is currently full. Future classes will be announced.

I look forward to helping you let go of obstacles and turn up the volume on pleasure!

Filed under: Change,Class,Pleasure,Shame,Women — admin @ 3:49 pm

June 1, 2013

Does Facebook have a problem with women?

women's sexuality

More than that, does facebook have a problem with women’s sexuality?

Today one of my posts about women’s sexuality was pulled off of facebook.  I was told it didn’t line up with the community standards.

Facebook and its  “standards” have been the topic of much debate lately.  And I know I’m not the only one who is questioning their reasoning, their loyalties and how they feel about women.

People often ask me how I got into my field.  I struggle to pinpoint the exact moment I wanted to do this.  Just when I think I can find the “beginning” I’m reminded of something else that lead me here.  I am less interested in when I started my interest/passion about sex and intimacy and more curious about why.

  • I do this work because I think self-love, pleasure and sexual enjoyment are all important.
  • I do this work because I want to help people release shame, limiting beliefs and fear.
  • I do this work because I value intimacy, vulnerability and connection.
  • I do this work because I am want to normalize the things we think are weird about sex.  I want to talk about the things we don’t talk about.  I want to make sex less scary or painful or embarrassing.
  • I do this work because it is my calling.

And yes, I work with a lot of women.  I work with women because I am one and I understand their perspective.  I also work with men.  I post about men and women’s sexuality…however my post about women’s sexuality is the one that was removed from facebook.

This is the post that was removed “Take this class to learn more about your sexuality and increase your desire.”  There was then a link to the sign up page for my “You Don’t Have to be a Sexy Tiger” class.

Scary stuff right?

This is not new behavior.  And facebook isn’t alone.

There are media outlets, groups of people and individuals that seem concerned about what will happen if women enjoy their sexuality.

My belief is that the world will be a better place when we can talk openly and lovingly about sex – about what we want, what excites us or what scares us. Can you imagine how we would all treat each other if we were all enjoying pleasure and feeling good about our bodies?

I want to change the world.  I want to help people unlock their erotic potential.  I want to do it without shame.

This is my truth.

I know I’m not alone.  Women (and men) are ready to embrace their sexual selves and enjoy pleasure!

How can we make a difference?

Keep the conversation going.  Share this post.  Tell your story.  Learn more about sex.  Talk with your friends.  Embrace your sexuality and pleasure!

Filed under: Body-Image,Change,Sexual Being,Sexuality,Shame,Women — admin @ 9:32 pm

May 28, 2012

Heart Centered Sexuality

This retreat is located in NE Portland in an office that opens up to this pond and garden.
This retreat is located in NE Portland in an office that opens up to this pond and garden.

Heart Centered Sexuality Retreat

Facilitated by Ami Opal, ND and Julie Jeske, MS

  • Does it feel like there is a disconnect between your body and your mind?
  • Is it hard for you to ask for what you want or receive pleasure?
  • Is shame getting in the way of enjoying sex or pleasure?

This is a one-day retreat for women who want to align their body, mind and spirit with their sexuality.  Julie works with clients from a mind perspective and Ami reaches their bodies.  Together they will help women embrace who they are and eliminate obstacles to pleasure. The workshop is limited to 10 women and takes place in a beautiful garden setting.  We will incorporate visualization, ritual, journaling, educational information about sexuality and your body and therapeutic exercises.

Who should attend this retreat?

  • Any woman who feels  something blocking her capacity for pleasure.
  • Any woman who feel disconnected from her body or feels something is getting in the way of feeling her body completely.
  • Any woman who would like a whole day to focus on herself.
  • Any women looking to connect with other like-minded women.
  • Any woman who wants to learn more about her body and her sexuality.
  • Any woman who wants to eliminate sexual shame and repair messages about sex she may have learned from past partners, families, religion or negative experiences.
  • Any woman who would like a little help learning to love her body and honor who she is sexually.

What makes this retreat different than the work Julie and Ami do in individual sessions?

  • This retreat is 7 hours long with a 1 hour break for lunch.  If you were to work with Julie and Ami for 7 hours it would cost a combined total of $1125.
  • In addition to working with Julie and Ami, you get the benefit of being around a group of women with whom you can share experiences.  There is a power in groups of women.  It is healing to share your stories and listen to others’.
  • While we will be working and learning and growing, this is also a retreat.  It is designed to make your body and spirit feel good and give you a break from your day-to-day life.

Click here to see when this retreat is happening next!

Contact Julie Jeske at 503-756-3478 or for more information or to reserve your spot.

Ami OpalAmi Opal, N.D. is a physician who takes care of the organs of creation and reproduction in the female body.  Through hands on work with bones, muscles, fascia, and the energetics of the body, Dr. Opal’s unique approach is directed at unraveling old patterns of disease, both physical and emotional.  Ami’s work helps women connect with themselves through their pelvic space, abdomen, and heart.  Ami enjoys helping her patients find more space in their bodies, more room for joy, and greater ease and depth of self expression.  Dr. Opal graduated from the National College of Naturopathic Medicine in 2001 and is the co-owner of Yew Medicine, a clinic in North Portland.

JulieJeskeWebSmallJulie Jeske, M.S. is a sex and relationship counselor who helps people increase intimacy, passion and sexual satisfaction. She loves helping women uncover their sexuality.  She is skilled at helping couples spice up their sex lives and deepening their connection.  She frequently contributes to online articles, magazine articles and TV segments. Her forthcoming book is titled: You Don’t Have to be a Sexy Tiger: Discover YOUR Sexual Self.  Julie received her MS in Couples, Marriage and Family Counseling from Portland State University.  She has a private practice in NE Portland and believes we all deserve a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

Filed under: Body-Image,Groups,Intimacy,Sexual Being,Sexuality,Shame — admin @ 7:55 pm

May 17, 2012

Aligning Your Body, Mind, Heart and Spirit

I recently had a brainstorming session with my friend and colleague, Ami Opal.  She is a naturopathic doctor who specializes in women’s pelvic health and we’ve been kicking around ideas for a joint workshop.  I love Ami’s work because she is able to reach women through their bodies.  As a counselor, I work with women in a way that accesses their minds or their spirits.  We’ve been talking about how easy it is for women to feel disconnected in some way.  We are developing a one-day workshop to help align your body, mind, spirit and heart.  We want to help women eliminate shame, open up their ability to receive pleasure and ask for that they want.  We want to help women feel whole in their bodies and empowered in their sexual experience.  I wish you could have seen us as we talked about our passion and our ideas for this workshop.  We were giddy!  It’s going to be a very connecting and electric day.  We are ironing on the details right now, look for specifics later this week.

Filed under: Body-Image,Change,Intimacy,Pleasure,Self-care,Shame,Workshop — admin @ 10:35 am

May 4, 2012

Releasing Shame – Embracing Pleasure

How does shame impact who you are sexually?  How is it getting in the way of fully enjoying life?

What keeps you from embracing pleasure?  How do you find time for pleasure in your every day life?

Shame comes up all the time when I am talking with people about sex or about living their best lives.  In fact, when I talk with people about pleasure I am often told they feel guilt or shame about feeling pleasure.

So I decided to offer a 4-week group called “Releasing Shame – Embracing Pleasure.”

I’ve written about shame before and the importance of talking about it, writing about it and releasing it.  In this group we will be doing just that.  We will spend 2 weeks identifying shame and the way it impacts our lives.  We will then explores ways to release the shame and even have a releasing ceremony together.  We will then take two weeks to identify ways to invite pleasure into our lives.

I’m very excited about this group and would love for you to join me.

“Releasing Shame – Embracing Pleasure” will be meeting for 4 weeks on Tuesday evenings from 7pm-9pm. Please let me know if you would like more information or if you are interested in registering for the group.  The cost is $120 for the entire 4 week series.

It’s time to shed the shame that is weighing you down and step forward and receive the pleasure that is waiting for you.

Filed under: Groups,Pleasure,Sexuality,Shame — admin @ 2:53 pm

February 17, 2012

What Do You Call “It”?

What do you call your genitals?

Maybe you have a cute or fun pet name.


Perhaps you prefer to be clinical or use actual names of your anatomy.



Maybe you use the same name you did as a child.

“Your privates”


Perhaps you use something that feels spiritual.


Maybe you like slang.



Perhaps you use a term that makes you feel sexy.

Maybe you don’t use any words at.

“Down There”

Perhaps you use words that other people have used…words that make you feel dirty or yucky…but maybe you don’t like that part of your body much so you think that’s OK.

What's in a name - Rose

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” William Shakespeare.

What you call your genitals is important. The words you use are important.  They reflects how you feel about your body.  How you feel about yourself.

If you are embarrassed to call your genitals anything, are you embarrassed about your body? If you refer to your body as “junk,” what does that say about your relationship with your body? I don’t care what you call “it” just as long as it is something that makes you feel good about your body.  Something that makes you feel empowered.  Something that makes you feel sexy or beautiful.  Something that makes you feel YOU.  Your genitals are a part of you, what would it take for you to love ALL of you?

Filed under: Body-Image,Sexual Being,Sexuality,Shame — admin @ 7:09 pm

Older Posts »