Archive: Shame

February 2, 2012

Letting Go of Sexual Shame

Tonight I hosted a workshop about sex and shame.  I am always amazed by and grateful for the way these workshops unfold.   Shame can be a powerful force in people’s lives and when you add it to the sexual realm (something people rarely talk about it) it can feel paralyzing.

When people feel shame, they often hide it.  It’s embarrassing, it’s awful, it makes us “bad” – so we keep it secret.  Here’s the thing about shame though…the deeper you bury it, the bigger it gets!  Shame is like the monster under your bed.  The more you think about it, the darker it is in your room, the bigger and scarier the monster gets.  But when you turn on the light and look under your bed, you can see there isn’t a monster.  When we look at our shame…address it…talk about it – it lessens.  Acknowledging your shame, naming your shame – that’s how you can get rid of it.  I know it can seem scary, so start small.  Write about your shame, talk to someone you trust (a friend, partner or therapist) or find a group.  One of the best ways to eliminate shame is to learn that you are not alone.

Your shame doesn’t serve you.  It doesn’t make you braver, stronger, cooler, or better.  Your shame is holding you back.  It’s time to release your shame and embrace your life!

Filed under: Sexuality,Shame — admin @ 9:31 pm

September 20, 2011

Two New Sexuality Workshops

I love my monthly women’s sexuality workshops and I’m excited to announce the last two for 2011!

Each workshop is part educational (I provide information and resources) and there is also time for group sharing.  These workshops are an opportunity to learn about the theme and also share your experience with other women.  Each workshop is limited to 6 participants.  The cost is $25 per workshop.  To reserve your spot, or if you would like more information, please contact me at julie@portlandsextherapy.com or 503-756-3478.

Sensuality and Sexuality – Thursday, October 27 7pm-9pm

Sensuality can be a great bridge to sexuality and it can also be practiced on its own.  Tonight we will focus on defining sensuality and identifying ways sensuality can impact your desire and pleasure. 

Sex and Shame – Thursday, December 1 7pm-9pm

Is shame getting in the way of truly enjoying your sexuality?  We’ll talk about shame, where it might come from and ways you can release it so you can reclaim your sexuality and enjoy your sexual experiences fully!

These workshops are a great opportunity to be in a small group of women with similar experiences.  Not only will you learn ways to enhance your sexual experiences, you will learn that you are not alone.

Filed under: Groups,Sensuality,Sexuality,Shame,Support — admin @ 10:58 am

May 28, 2011

Sexual Skeletons and the Paris Catacombs

I made my very first visit to the Paris Catacombs this week!

The sign at the entrance warned that this tour is not for people who are feint of heart.  We descended 130 steps in partial darkness.  We walked through dark, damp corridors for ages.  I started to think about other dark places.  I started to think about the role of shame in our lives.  Those deep dark secrets.  Those places we don’t want others to see.  I made a video postcard in the dark about shame.  You will need to turn up the volume to hear this one!

After the video, we turned the corner and saw the entrance to the ossuary.  There is a sign “Arrete c’est ici l’empire de la mort” (Stop! This is the empire of death!)  As we passed through the entrance way, I was struck by the number of bones!

Catacombs 1

All of these bones buried beneath a city!

catacombs 2

All of these bones beneath a beautiful, vibrant city!  All of these bones beneath the City of Lights, the City of Love!

Here is my shadow on a wall of bones

Here is my shadow on a wall of bones

If all of these skeletons are housed under this city, what kind of skeletons are lurking under your surface?  Remember what I said in the video – things are scary when they are hiding in the dark. ANYTHING can seem scarier when it’s in the dark.  Turn on the lights, and it’s not so scary. That’s why I talk about sex and intimacy.  When we don’t talk about these things, they stay in the dark and become connected to our shame.  However, say it out loud, and it’s not so scary.  Say it out loud and you may learn that other people are similar: they may have the same shame, the same fears or the same desire.  Turn on the lights and whether it’s skeletons or sex – it’s not so scary!

Filed under: Paris,Sexuality,Shame,Video — admin @ 1:43 pm

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