The Perfect Valentine’s Day
We’ve all heard those “valentine’s day horror stories.” I remember an acquaintance who really wanted an engagement ring for Valentine’s Day but instead her boyfriend got her an exercise machine. Never mind that she didn’t get engaged, she also worried that her boyfriend thought she was “fat.” When your partner doesn’t know about your expectations, it’s possible to “miss” each other. It’s important to be on the same page about your Valentine’s Day Expectations.
Tips for getting on the same page –
Talk about your expectations – If you want a fancy dinner out, it’s important to say so. If you don’t, you might end up on the couch with take out.
Plan your “date” together (that may mean compromise) – If your idea of romance is dinner and roses and your partner would like to spend Valentine’s Day trying out Karma Sutra positions, you may have to compromise. Does that mean you don’t get your dinner? Absolutely not, there is room for both ideas (if not on Valentine’s Day then maybe two different nights that week).
Celebrate Valentine’s Day more than once a year – Do you need to save up all of your romance and “I love yous” for one day a year? No way! Often when partners express affection year round, “Valentine’s Day expectations” are less intense.
Do you have to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Of course not. However, if your partner would really like to and you ignore her requests, she may feel disappointed. I knew a guy who said, “I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. I believe it should be Valentine’s Day, every day!” I remember thinking that was romantic and really sweet. That was until I got to see how he treated his wife. I quickly discovered that that was not the case. It was not Valentine’s Day in their house every day (nor was it Valentine’s Day on February 14th!) Don’t kid yourself (or your partner). If you don’t believe in Valentine’s Day, that’s fine. If you are just too lazy to celebrate, that’s a different story.
If you have a strong idea of how you would like to spend Valentine’s Day, it’s time to tell your partner. The only way you can get what you want, is to ask for it!
About the author
Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion, and deepen their connection to themselves and others.
Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Join her membership community, Love Lessons, listen to her weekly podcast, Swoon, or meet her on instagram.
